A very fun romp that takes advantage of the Eighth Doctor as a Bryonian romance figure (albeit one more interested in the sights than talking feelings, much to the chagrin of his apparent boyfriend) and the trippy nature of the Monks (particularly use of simulations and forced consent). I thought the Monks were well utilised and the set pieces were nicely judged. The slightly sour note of the Doctor's simulation dying without telling his real self (the contrivances of keeping story elements secret for the TV show rarely fail to annoy me) of the Monks was helped by the discovery if real Mark for a sweet ending- but one that also unpicks the (somewhat trite) emotional pathos for lead Chris. Hard to be disappointed by a story with plenty of gay (though there could be even more if you ask me).

it was beautiful!! honestly one my new favorites though i also would have wished the doctor would have had an actual boyfriend, even for just one story. big finish should just bring Fitz Kreiner back to audio tbh because he is the doctors ultimate boyfriend. still i loved this very much 🖤

What a beautiful story about love, consent and self respect. Amazing performances all round, a great use of the monks, and a perfect encapsulation of what makes 8 my Doctor and why I adore him so much.

Just a fab story to end a fantastic character driven set.

THIS WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

Thworping through time and space, one adventure at a time!

“Five Hundred Ways to Leave Your Lover: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, Even in a Simulation"

A clever, heartfelt, and surprisingly funny take on heartbreak, identity, and the power of independence, with the Monks adding a sinister twist.

A Relationship Comedy with a Sci-Fi Edge:

At its core, Five Hundred Ways to Leave Your Lover is a relationship story, albeit one filtered through the quirky and high-stakes lens of Doctor Who. Following Chris, the Eighth Doctor’s boyfriend, as he agonises over how to break up with him is already a novel premise. Throw in a galactic cruiser, a frozen planet, a space spa, and the sinister presence of the Monks, and the result is a delightfully bizarre yet engaging blend of comedy, tension, and mystery.

The story balances humour and drama skillfully, with the Doctor’s lighthearted obliviousness contrasting Chris’ escalating panic. The absurdity of their adventures, combined with Chris’ inner turmoil, makes for a compelling character journey that’s as entertaining as it is emotionally grounded.

Paul McGann Shines Again:

Paul McGann’s Eighth Doctor is, as ever, a joy to listen to. His charm and wit are on full display here, creating a stark contrast to Chris’ increasingly frazzled state. McGann plays the Doctor with a jolly warmth that makes his apparent cluelessness believable but also hints at something deeper lurking beneath the surface.

Charlie Condou as Chris is equally impressive. His performance captures the emotional weight of a man torn between his feelings for the Doctor and the pressure imposed by the Monks. Condou brings real vulnerability to the role, especially as Chris begins to unravel the truth of his situation and his own identity.

The Monks Return with Purpose:

The Monks, who debuted in Series 10, are used to great effect here. Their ability to manipulate perception and create simulations forms the backbone of the narrative, allowing for a series of clever twists and revelations. Tim Bentinck reprises his role as the lead Monk with chilling authority, maintaining the sense of dread and unease they brought to their TV appearances.

Their scheme—to use Chris’ relationship and fabricated fiancé as a means to gain consent for invasion—feels both diabolical and deeply personal. It’s a fascinating use of their power and provides a strong thematic backbone to the story, highlighting issues of dependency, identity, and agency.

A Layered Narrative with Brilliant Twists:

The mystery unfolds at a perfect pace, keeping listeners guessing about what’s real and what’s fabricated. The revelation that the Doctor himself is a hologram is a standout twist, reframing the narrative and reinforcing the story’s themes. Chris’ journey to self-reliance is handled beautifully, with the Doctor guiding him to the realisation that he doesn’t need anyone else—not even the Doctor—to escape the simulation.

The moment Chris discovers that his fiancé, Mark, is part of the Monks’ lies is devastating yet brilliantly executed. It’s a turning point that shifts the narrative from comedy to something more profound, as Chris finally takes control of his destiny.

A Bittersweet but Hopeful Ending:

The final scene, where Chris returns to reality and meets the real Mark—a humble cleaner—is a touching conclusion. It underscores the idea that real connections are built on authenticity, not manipulation. The promise of a fresh start and a genuine relationship gives the story a satisfying and hopeful resolution.

"Verdict: A Unique, Thoughtful Adventure"

Five Hundred Ways to Leave Your Lover is a standout entry in the Faithful Friends anthology, blending comedy, mystery, and emotional depth with ease. The Monks are used in a way that enhances the story’s stakes without overshadowing its personal narrative. With strong performances, clever twists, and a heartfelt message, this is a story that lingers in the mind long after it ends.

📝91/100