The Sins of Cpt. John

#1.02. Escape from Nebazz ~ 7/10

‘The Sins of Cpt. John’ features adult content and themes which may not be suitable for all audiences. Reader discretion advised.

◆ An Introduction

One of the reasons I’m quickly falling in love with this series is that Captain John is such a huge personality. I also feel like the scripts need to match that personality by being a lot more barmy and colourful. Playing it safe simply will not do… guess what episode two did?

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Captain John is in a wooden space prison that's under attack by a strange and terrible life form. Also the catering is truly dreadful and Dr Magpie's latest discovery may have got a little out of hand.

◆ Cpt. John Hart

Despite being handed an average script, James Marsters delivered an excellent performance.

John has shagged a duchess, orally pleasured a jailer, and survived the zombie apocalypse whilst in Restoration London. The good news is that he finally has the resurrection gauntlets, but the bad news is that they’re broken… and the only person who can fix them is locked in a space prison made of wood! When he kidnaps Officer Smith, he claims that his time-ship is called the Jolly Rodgering – here we go again! He tells Magpie that Smith wasn’t the first person he’s killed, and he wont be the last. About halfway through the episode, John ends up being so mortal drunk on moonshine that he starts singing like Churchill – not the famous Prime Minister, but the dog from the adverts “Oh yes!” In short, he’s very drunk and has no moral compass. After being drugged by Magpie with the world’s quickest hangover cure, he confesses that he’s never truly sober, and he can’t understand how people can actually cope with sobriety. John’s reaction to the appearance of Harkness is hilarious. He doesn’t even have the chance to knock Jack out, because his neat bourbon was drugged with a sedative.

◆ Deja Vu?

I’ve mentioned several times before that I would much rather review the written equivalent of a turned rammed through my letterbox than something bland and uninspired. That’s why ‘Escape from Nebazz’ has been such a difficult story to talk about – it got very little reaction from me.

It’s certainly well-written, but there is nothing to make it stand out. Quite honestly, I think Marsters elevates the episode with his performance, and Llewellyn has got his character down pat. The concept of a wooden space station sparked my interest, but that’s been done before by Marc Platt in ‘A Storm of Angels’… a far more interesting release that I wish I was listening to instead.

I could say something similar about the idea of smart mould, because that just made me think of Norton and Andy going up against genetically engineered Project Hermod mushrooms in ‘Parasite’. There’s nothing particularly bad about this script, but I just wish there was more ambition and originality on show.

◆ Sound Design

Someone could’ve taken full advantage of this episode being set aboard a wooden space station, but Harvey’s soundscape was painfully underwhelming.

The chatter of the AI built into John’s time-ship, informing him of a wooden transport ship heading straight for Nebazz. Bleeping instruments from within Magpie’s laboratory. The chattering of guards in the main barracks of the prison. The sound of a tape on fast-forward as Captain “Let’s give the fourth wall a good thrashing” Hart decides to save us from an exposition dump about the previous episode. A huge rush of air heads into Jack’s ship, as Magpie gets launched out of the airlock and into the vacuum of space! Alarms start bleeping as the ship’s fuel runs dry… and it begins hurtling towards the planet below.

◆ Conclusion

“It’s a flat-pack carnivorous death monster, and it’s trying to kill us!”

A wooden space station with a mould mining operation is key to fixing the Risen Mittens. Unfortunately, the mould has gained sentience and Dr Magpie is madder than a box of frogs!

‘Escape from Nebazz’ was adequate. I hate reviewing stories where the writers decide to play it safe, because it just means there’s barely anything to discuss. That being said, the ratings for episode three are extremely high, so I’m very much looking forward to that.