Bad Night

(Inside the TARDIS. The phone is ringing. Slow zoom into the TARDIS console, until...)

[TARDIS]

(Amy is standing next to the console, in her nightie, and answers the phone.)

AMY: Hello? He's not here, who's speaking?

(She swats a fly which is buzzing around her head)

AMY: Er, sorry, the Prince of where? Which one? No, no, no, which Prince, not which Wales?

(She picks up a folded-up newspaper ready to swat the fly)

AMY: Um, what year is this?

(She swats the fly, just as the TARDIS door opens. The Eleventh Doctor barges in - he is wearing a black tuxedo, white shirt, white bow tie and black top hat, and carrying a fish bowl with a goldfish in it)

DOCTOR: I think that's probably for me! Hold this.

(The Doctor passes Amy the fish bowl and takes the phone)

DOCTOR: Hello? Ah, yes, everything's fine, don't worry! Well exactly, why should you be worrying? Who even mentioned worrying?

(The Doctor is pacing back and forth, Amy is ducking underneath the telephone cable)

DOCTOR: She's fine! Look, your Mum is - your Mum is fine

(He puts the phone to his shoulder to cover it up and speal to Amy)

DOCTOR: (seriously) Don't answer this phone. I answer this phone.

AMY: (whispering) Where have you been?

DOCTOR: Party. Just a party.

DOCTOR: (on the phone) Um yes, your Mum is here actually, but she can't come to the phone at the moment. Well, she's... busy. Well, you know, the Commonwealth.

(The Doctor leans down and looks at the goldfish)

DOCTOR: It's your son, Ma'am, he wants to talk to you. Oh we can't let him see you like this, well hear you, not that he could hear you, you're a fish!

(The other line rings)

DOCTOR: Sorry I've got another call coming in.

(He changes the line)

DOCTOR: Hello? (shocked) There is not a bit of use yelling, Ambassador, your Warrior Chief is trapped in my TARIDS and until you've turned Her Majesty here back into a human being he's staying put, don't worry, he's perfectly safe...

(The Doctor is looking at the newspaper.)

DOCTOR: Just popping you on hold

(The Doctor slowly lifts up the newspaper are looks at the fly, then looks at Amy)

DOCTOR: What have you done?

AMY: I thought.. it was a fly...

DOCTOR: So much for the slaughter of ten billion souls...

(He throws the newspaper behind his head)

AMY: (exasperated) What is going on?!

DOCTOR: I was at a party. There was a slight incident.

AMY: Wait... What, what, so you sneak out at night to parties? Hang on, you're dressed up! You never dress up. Is River at the party?

DOCTOR: Oh, why would she be there?

AMY: Don't - just don't lie to me Doctor. You're rubbish at it.

DOCTOR: Look, I do not sneak out at night to parties with, with, with River Song!

(He takes off his top hat and puts it on Amy's head)

AMY: Hmm. How is she?

DOCTOR: Fine.

AMY: See? Rubbish!

DOCTOR: (sighs) Look, sorry, but I am in the middle of a thing.

(The Doctor takes the goldfish and walks towards the door)

AMY: Doctor.

(The Doctor stops and turns around slowly)

AMY: Doctor. Look, I... I need to talk to you.

(Amy's Theme starts playing as she slowly walks towards him)

AMY: There is a reason that I couldn't sleep.

(The Doctor looks scared, like a rabbit in headlights)

DOCTOR: Rory!

AMY: (whispers) what are you doing?

DOCTOR: You've got the serious face on, I always shout for Rory when you've got the serious face... Rory! She's having an emotion!

(Rory comes running in, fixing his night gown)

RORY: What's wrong Amy?

AMY: (to the Doctor) Why are you calling him?

DOCTOR: It's his turn.

AMY: You two have... you two have turns?

DOCTOR: (looking at the goldfish) Nooo! It's the wrong fish. I've taken the wrong fish!

(Opens the TARDIS door and shouts out)

DOCTOR: River! We've got the wrong fish!

DOCTOR: Er, look, sorry you two, I've made a mistake, I've got three hours to save the Commonwealth.

RORY: What happens in three hours?

(the Doctor takes the top hat off Amy and onto his head)

DOCTOR: The pet shops open.

Transcript by Shauny. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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