[Beside the Thames]

(Starkey is walking along the Thames with K9 hovering beside him. Starkey is carrying a fishing rod and a net.)

STARKEY: You put the line in the water and then… wait.
K9: For what?
STARKEY: For the fish to bite.
K9: Bite what?
STARKEY: The bait.
K9: It seems very inefficient. One quick pulse from me and you would have a sack full of fish.
STARKEY: And you’d miss the thrill.
K9: I don’t get it.

(Two CCPCs block their way.)

CCPC: Halt!
CCPC: Halt!
STARKEY: Ah, great. Here’s trouble.
CCPC: Where are you off to, sunshine?
STARKEY: You have no right to interrogate a citizen when…
K9: We’re going fishing.
CCPC: Fishing? What’s this fishing?
K9: A human pastime of monumental stupidity. They put a line in the water and wait for a fish to bite it.
CCPC: I don’t get it.
K9: You and me both, brother.
CCPC: Humans. When will they learn?

(The CCPCs leave.)

K9: Morons. Those cyborgs give all us robots a bad name.
STARKEY: Now there’s a line you don’t hear every day.

(On the sand are dead fish.)

K9: This fishing is going to be easier than I thought.
STARKEY: No, it shouldn’t be like this. They’re supposed to be swimming.
K9: I don’t like their chances. (Starkey bends down to touch one of the fish.) Stop! My olfactory receptors detect an unsafe substance.
STARKEY: What is it?
K9: I cannot easily recognise the substance.

(Starkey picks up one of the fish with his next. He accidentally brushes the fish against K9, who yelps.)

STARKEY: Oh, sorry, K9. Didn’t see you. What’s doing this?

[The main hall]

(Jorjie is pacing and singing along to music through her earphones. Darius is carrying books. Jorjie nudges him and he drops them. Gryffen hears from the first floor.)

DARIUS: Hey!
GRYFFEN: Blood of Pythagoras! Darius, what are you doing?
DARIUS: Well, it’s just that I thought these might be interesting to have a look at. It might be fun to try and…
GRYFFEN: Read?
DARIUS: Yeah, read. That’s it.

(Gryffen comes downstairs.)

GRYFFEN: Darius, the last time I saw you with a book, you were using it as a cricket bat. You weren’t going to try to sell those, were you?
DARIUS: Sell? No.
GRYFFEN: Pick them up and take them back to the library.
DARIUS: Okay.

(Jorjie returns to singing. Gryffen goes up to her.)

GRYFFEN: Jorjie. Jorjie!

(She jumps and takes out her earphones.)

JORJIE: Sorry, I didn’t hear you.
GRYFFEN: Obviously. Shouldn’t you be at ballet class or something?
JORJIE: No, it’s Wing Chun kung fu on Thursdays, right after lacrosse training. Oh, and soccer training.
GRYFFEN: Have you ever considered voice training?
JORJIE: Oh, really? You think that I…
GRYFFEN: No.
JORJIE: Did you want something, professor?
GRYFFEN: Just keep it down a notch.
JORJIE: Sorry. Right.

(She puts her earphones back in.)

[Street]

(Darius is carrying several books. He stops at a sign reading “2nd hand books” and turns around, hearing a sound. Two aliens appear from nowhere. They point at Darius and vanish. He hurries away.)

[The laboratory]

(Starkey is analysing one of the dead fish. Jorjie and K9 are watching.)

JORJIE: So, what killed it?
STARKEY: Definitely poisoned. Something highly toxic.

(Gryffen enters and sees the results of the analysis on the screen.)

GRYFFEN: What the Heisenberg? Where did you find this?
K9: Starkey found it by the river.
GRYFFEN: It’s a most unusual chemical composition. Starkey, can you run these valances through our databases?
STARKEY: Sure, prof.
GRYFFEN: This type of racemic biphenyl is virtually unknown in our solar system. Welcome to Earth! Welcome to Earth!
JORJIE: It’s a fish.
GRYFFEN: Yes, but the toxins on its scales are definitely extraterrestrial.

(K9 is malfunctioning. Darius enters.)

DARIUS: That must be going around. I just saw these little guys that looked like they came from another galaxy.
STARKEY: Oh? Where?
DARIUS: In the street. What is wrong with K9?
K9: That effluent from the river. It’s giving me grief.
GRYFFEN: Hover up here and let me take a look. (Gryffen examines him with a magnifying glass. K9 farts.) Oh, pew! I say!
K9: Oh, that’s typical. Every time there’s a bad smell, blame a dog.
GRYFFEN: Ha ha.
DARIUS: Yeah.
STARKEY: We have a match. Chenium.
GRYFFEN: Chenium?
JORJIE: What is chenium?
GRYFFEN: Chenium is a byproduct from the manufacture of Qualon 37.
DARIUS: Qualon 37. Of course, why didn’t you say? Well, at least that clears that up!
GRYFFEN: Qualon 37 is used in the manufacture of interdimensional spacecraft and its chenium byproduct is highly corrosive.
K9: Highly.
GRYFFEN: It’s also a devastatingly long-term environmental degrader.
K9: If this builds up in the food chain, 85% of all lifeforms in the Thames Valley will die.
DARIUS: Whoa. We’re lucky they’re not making Qualon 38.

[Alien Technology Archive]

(Drake is sat at a desk, talking to a CCPC on a screen.)

DRAKE: They have information we need.
CCPC: Yes, sir.
DRAKE: And they are withholding it. That in itself is a crime.
CCPC: But we haven’t given them anything to eat or drink for three days now.
DRAKE: Clearly that’s not working, so be a little more persuasive.

(June enters. Drake switches off the screen.)

JUNE: Inspector? What are you doing here?
DRAKE: I may well ask the same question of you.
JUNE: This is our Alien Technology Archive, so I’m often here because this is my jurisdiction but not yours.
DRAKE: Have you finished?
JUNE: Actually, no. I need to speak to you about the actions of your special security unit.
DRAKE: Handpicked by me, every one of them.
JUNE: Our tripwire sensors have picked up inconclusive alien traces in NW12 and when I despatched my hunter-killer squad they were turned back by your unit.
DRAKE: I think you can rest easy. My elite unit should be more than a match for any inconclusive aliens.
JUNE: Alien intrusion has priority over all other Department business. If my unit is blocked again, I shall have to lodge a report with Lomax.

(June goes to leave.)

DRAKE: That would be unfortunate.
CCPC: Sir, our little maniacs won’t start talking…

(Drake switches the screen back off. June has stopped.)

DRAKE: All right, Inspector. I will instruct my elite unit not to upset any of your grunts. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got rather a lot to get through.

(June leaves.)

[Beside the Thames]

(Starkey, Jorjie, Darius and K9 are walking along the Thames. They spot a trail leading from a pipe into the water.)

JORJIE: So, this is where the poison is entering the river.
K9: Careful. My sensors indicate concentration of chenium at dangerous levels. If it goes on at this rate, there won’t be any lifeforms left!

(Starkey sees the two aliens that Darius saw. They point at him and he falls backwards.)

DARIUS: Hey!

(Darius and Jorjie help Starkey. Darius sees the aliens.)

STARKEY: Who put the world on spin cycle? There’s something wrong with my eyes!

[The laboratory]

(Gryffen is examining Starkey’s eyes.)

GRYFFEN: Nothing permanent, I’m happy to say, just a shocking case of vertigo. It may take a while, but your balance and eyesight should return to normal.
JORJIE: Thank heavens. You shouldn’t put yourself in danger like that, Starkey.
STARKEY: I’m fine. (He gets up, but makes a sound as though he is going to be sick.) No, I’m not.

(Starkey sits back down. Gryffen hands him a clear box.)

GRYFFEN: Just in case, hm?
DARIUS: So, help me here. What species of spaceman was that?
K9: I have them on file. Calling it up now.

(Information on the aliens appears on a screen.)

GRYFFEN: What is it?
JORJIE: No infrared heat signature, no pulse.
K9: No vital signs at all.
JORJIE: So, you mean, they’re not alive?
STARKEY: Not life as we know it.
DARIUS: So, they could be ghosts?
K9: Ooh, ghosts. Scary monsters.
DARIUS: You know, you’re not really making this any easier for me.
K9: They are Medes. They are from the planet Mediat. They’re great voyagers and great practitioners of avatar projection.
JORJIE: Which is what?
GRYFFEN: It means if they can’t be somewhere, they can combine their powers and send a hologram as a proxy.
DARIUS: I’m getting a headache. Is anyone else getting a headache?
STARKEY: We’ll have to get out there, as soon as my head stops spinning.
JORJIE: No way. We have to go now.
K9: We know where the outfall is, so all we have to do is to follow the drain to its source.
DARIUS: We? What do you mean, we? I think this is a job for you, K9. I’m happy to leave this whole thing in your very capable paws.
STARKEY: Come on, Darius. Be a man.
JORJIE: He doesn’t do impressions.

[Beside the Thames]

(K9 flies around.)

DARIUS: Are you okay? You’re smoking.
K9: Yes. Filthy habit.
JORJIE: No, seriously. It can only get worse in there.
K9: I have the advantage of being anaerobic, so it means I won’t asphyxiate.
JORJIE: Okay, so, as you go through the drains, we’ll follow you through the streets.
GRYFFEN: (Over communicator) Are you ready?

[The main hall]

(Starkey and Gryffen are watching on a screen.)

JORJIE: (Over communicator) K9 is standing by, Gryffen.
K9: (Over communicator) Let’s rock and roll!
GRYFFEN: Where does he pick up these expressions?
STARKEY: He’s got 5,000 movies on his hard drive.
GRYFFEN: Well, at least you’ll be all right for a rainy day.
STARKEY: Take care, K9.

[Beside the Thames]

JORJIE: If you get into trouble, yell.

[Drains]

K9: It’s uncomfortable but not terminal.

[The main hall]

STARKEY: You’re dropping out, K9! Repeat, please!

[Drains]

K9: I’m trying, Starkey.
STARKEY: (Over communicator) Don’t take any unnecessary risks.
K9: I am at a fork in the system. Hello? Can anyone…?

[Beside the Thames]

(Jorjie and Darius are trying to follow K9’s path.)

JORJIE: Say again, K9. We’re losing you.

[The main hall]

K9: (Over communicator) … chenium down here now.
STARKEY: If it’s too tough, just get out of there.

[Alien Technology Archive]

(June goes to the screen that Drake was using earlier and sees blueprints. She uploads the data. Drake enters.)

DRAKE: Have you lost something, Inspector?
JUNE: Yes, I have, actually. Isn’t that the schematic of the fallen angel that crash-landed a month ago and disappeared under mysterious circumstances?
DRAKE: It certainly looks like it, yeah.
JUNE: What’s your interest in it?
DRAKE: Doesn’t the whole Department want to know where it is?
JUNE: What’s that featured detail?
DRAKE: I haven’t the faintest idea. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got other things to attend to.
JUNE: If you were found to be implicated in the disappearance of that starship…
DRAKE: My, you are in a chatty mood. (June leaves. Drake sits down at the computer. The CCPC appears on the screen.) Are they cooperating?
CCPC: Not yet, sir.
DRAKE: I want results by the end of the day.
CCPC: Are you authorising torture, sir?
DRAKE: Such an ugly word. Why don’t you surprise me?

[The main hall]

(June appears on a screen.)

JUNE: Gryffen? Are you there?
GRYFFEN: I’ll be right down. Jorjie, your mother’s downstairs. Are you sure you had today free?

[Outside factory]

JORJIE: Uh… Well, technically…

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: That’s what I thought. Can you take over? I can’t let June see what’s going on.

(Gryffen heads downstairs. Starkey takes over at the computer.)

[Drains]

(K9 is still travelling along the drains.)

[Outside the manor]

GRYFFEN: This is a surprise.
JUNE: I need your help.

(June shows Gryffen a hologram.)

GRYFFEN: What am I looking at?
JUNE: It’s a Mede spaceship blueprint.
GRYFFEN: Fascinating. And this small instrument?
JUNE: That’s a molecular refractor.
GRYFFEN: How did you come by this?
JUNE: Drake’s doing something with it. I think I even know where.
GRYFFEN: But why would the Department want to…?
JUNE: It’s not the Department. It’s Drake.
GRYFFEN: But isn’t his jurisdiction security? Control of us, of our minds?
JUNE: It’s a Mede starcraft, Gryffen. Think about it. A functioning Mede starship can dematerialise and that molecular refractor is part of the technology in vanishment, I’m sure.
GRYFFEN: So, Drake could eavesdrop anywhere without being seen, even by Lomax.
JUNE: The ultimate dream for Drake, to spy with impunity.
GRYFFEN: Be afraid. Be very afraid.
JUNE: We’ve got to stop him.

[Drains]

(K9 is still travelling along the drains.)

[Outside factory]

JORJIE: K9, we need input. Where are you?

[Drains]

K9: The fumes have attacked my inertial compass.

[Outside factory]

DARIUS: The reception is bad, K9. Say it again.

[Drains]

K9: I’ve gone through a 90 degree turn. I’ll have to backtrack. You…

[Outside factory]

JORJIE: Look over there. That’s got to be it.

(Jorjie and Darius head onto the premises of a factory.)

DARIUS: Oh.
JORJIE: Professor?

[The main hall]

STARKEY: It’s me. The professor’s downstairs, talking to your mother.
JORJIE: (Over communicator) Does she know I’m here?
STARKEY: I don’t think so.

[Outside factory]

JORJIE: Do you think we should keep going?

[The main hall]

STARKEY: Of course. Poor K9, he’s swimming through chenium.
DARIUS: (Over communicator) My advice is that we hang back. We can get the lay of the land without getting involved.

[Outside factory]

JORJIE: I’m going in.

(She walks off.)

DARIUS: No, Jorjie, wait! I’ll save you if anything happens.

(Jorjie starts climbing a gate and Darius tries to pick the lock.)

[The laboratory]

(Gryffen is showing a screen to June.)

GRYFFEN: As you can see, when I switch to infrared there’s no body heat.
JUNE: Then this is an example of Mede non-physical presence.
GRYFFEN: Why would the Mede use a holographic projection if they can physically vanish and reappear?
JUNE: I think it’s got something to do with the refractor which they no longer have access to.

(They walk out into the main hall.)

[The main hall]

STARKEY: Professor, tell her! K9 is heading into danger. You’ve got to tell her.
GRYFFEN: Darius, K9 and, uh, Jorjie are out trying to track down the source of the pollution and the direction they’re heading is North-West 12.
JUNE: And you let them go? Into harm’s way?
GRYFFEN: Hopefully K9 is doing all the dirty work.
JUNE: Patch us through, now.

[Outside factory]

JUNE: (Over communicator) Jorjie?
JORJIE: Mum?
JUNE: (Over communicator) Where are you?
JORJIE: I’m not sure. It looks like an old factory or some kind of…

[The laboratory]

JUNE: Listen to me. Get out of there. Now.

[Outside factory]

(Several CCPCs arrive.)

CCPC: ‘Ello, ‘ello. What’s all this, then?
CCPC: ‘Ello, ‘ello. What’s all this, then?
JUNE: (Over communicator) Do you hear me? Jorjie? Jorjie?

[The laboratory]

(The signal cuts out. June exits. Gryffen follows.)

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: June.

(Starkey comes down the stairs.)

STARKEY: I’m coming too!

(June leaves through the front door.)

GRYFFEN: You’ve barely had time to recover.
STARKEY: I can manage.

(He follows June.)

[Outside the manor]

(Starkey follows June off of the property. Gryffen gets to the top step, then starts hyperventilating.)

GRYFFEN: Why can’t I just be afraid of spiders?

(He goes back inside and closes the door.)

[Factory]

(Overseen by the foreman, workers and CCPCs are working on an experiment.)

CCPC: (Unclear) ready to pull, sir.
FOREMAN: Let’s do it.
CCPC: Yes, sir.

(Jorjie and Darius are tied up. Darius starts chewing on Jorjie’s bonds.)

JORJIE: What are you doing?
DARIUS: I saw it on a movie once. Just hold still, yeah?
JORJIE: Eww, gross. Stop it. Stop it! Yuck!
DARIUS: Do you have a better idea?
JORJIE: No.

[Drains]

K9: Do you copy? Starkey? Anybody? Starkey?

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: K9, I can’t understand you.

[Drains]

K9: I’ll even take Darius. Hello?

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: Severe electromagnetic static. Can you hear me?

[Drains]

(The two Mede appear and beckon K9 towards them, making sounds. K9’s systems translate their words as meaning “Come with us. Quickly. We’ll show you the way.” K9 speaks back in their language.)

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: K9? Is that you? I’m picking up some weird interference. K9, when all this is over you must let me check your voice motherboard. K9, what has happened to you? K9, get a grip!

[Drains]

(K9 follows the Mede. His systems record their conversation. K9 asks, “How much further is it?” The Mede answer, “We are nearly there.”)

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: K9? Do you read me?
K9: (Over communicator) Yes, Gryffen.

[Drains]

K9: The Medes are leading me to the source of the pollution.

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: Did you say “Medes”?

[Drains]

K9: Affirmative.

[The main hall]

GRYFFEN: K9, I think the chenium fumes are messing with your mind.

[Drains]

(The Medes say, “It is up above us.” K9 responds, “This unit thanks you. Here I go…”)

[Factory]

(K9 emerges and analyses a liquid being poured by one of the workers.)

K9: Okay, I’m inside the facility. Looks like they’ve started the casting.
GRYFFEN: (Over communicator) Can you see Darius and Jorjie?
K9: Stand by. (Darius is still chewing Jorjie’s bonds.) I thought only dogs said hello like that.
JORJIE: K9!
K9: You all right?
JORJIE: Get us out of here.

(K9 fires his cannon and released Jorjie and Darius. They run, but are seen by the workers.)

K9: Run for it! Don’t stop until you’re over the fence. I’ll hold them off.

(K9 shoots a CCPC and flies off.)

FOREMAN: Hey! Stop them!

[Outside factory]

(Jorjie and Darius reach the gate, but the foreman and a CCPC grab them before they can start to climb.)

JUNE: Hold it right there!
JORJIE: Mum!
JUNE: Command override. Turner J/256-delta. (Two CCPCs grab the foreman and carry him away. Jorjie and Darius laugh.) I don’t know whether to thank you or ground you for a month.
JORJIE: Uhh… the first one?

[Factory]

(Starkey enters and finds K9.)

STARKEY: How are those burns?
K9: Coping. How is your balance?
STARKEY: Better. Well, done on everything, K9.
K9: A shared triumph. Starkey, can you assist me to give this piece of Mede equipment back to its rightful owners? They are waiting for it down below
. (June enters.)
JUNE: And what are they doing there?
K9: Somebody who sounds remarkably like Drake locked them away.
JUNE: And I suspect he’s holding their space vessel in Sector Z15.
STARKEY: I hope you’re not going to prevent them from returning home.
JUNE: Not that I need to explain myself to an interfering delinquent, but I want that Mede starship off our planet, the sooner the better.
K9: They will be very grateful for that, but they told me they want to do something before they leave.
STARKEY: What’s that?

[Cells]

JUNE: Command override. Turner J. Stand down.

(A CCPC opens the door to the Medes’ cell. The two Medes stand. K9 translates June’s words for them.)

JUNE: You came in peace, so I must apologise to you for what you have been subjected to. And I’d like to return this. (She hands them the refractor.) I’ve seen to it that it can’t be duplicated again. I accept that your spacecraft has been illegally corralled by as yet unknown persons. I hope that you will be able to locate it and return to it now that you’ve got the molecular refractor back. And you are of course free to go immediately.
STARKEY: Safe journey, guys.
K9: They say they have one more thing to do before they go home.

[Beside the Thames]

(Starkey, Jorjie, Darius, June and K9 watch as the Medes hold out their hands and draw the chenium out of the water and out of K9. They then disappear.)

STARKEY: Good as new, K9!
JORJIE: Wow! Look at that!
K9: It’s their spaceship! They’re going home.

(The Mede spaceship flies away.)

STARKEY: Well, that was an awesome day. Do you want to go fishing?
K9: Young master, I don’t think so.

(He laughs.)

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.