[The garage]

(Darius is playing his electric guitar loudly. Gryffen enters.)

GRYFFEN: Are Starkey and K9 back? (He shows Starkey his vidcom screen which asks the same question. Darius shakes his head. His guitar is suddenly quieter.) Much better! I wish you’d use that effect all the time!
DARIUS: Me? I… Oh, this sucks. What have you done?
GRYFFEN: Me?

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

(Jorjie is listening to the radio and painting. The radio suddenly goes high-pitched. June enters on her vidcom.)

JUNE: Uh, what? Just excuse me one second. Jorjie, turn that racket off! (Jorjie does.) All right, we can talk about this when I get in. (She ends the call.) How can people enjoy music like that?
JORJIE: I’d like to know too.
JUNE: I’ve got to go into work. Drake’s raving about something. This room is a complete disaster area. (Thunder.) Sounds like a storm’s brewing. You’ll be all right?

(Jorjie nods. June leaves.)

[Street]

(Starkey is singing to himself.)

K9: Will you desist with that trite, repetitive ditty?
STARKEY: Me? You’re the one I got it from.
K9: What are you talking about?
STARKEY: The other night, you were fast asleep. Next thing I know, you were humming that tune.
K9: I don’t sleep.
STARKEY: I know.
STARKEY AND K9: In downtime, my memory banks reorganise themselves automatically.
STARKEY: Yeah, I know, K9.

(He continues singing.)

K9: No more!

(It suddenly becomes windy. Thunder claps.)

STARKEY: What’s happening!?
K9: Powerful winds! Extreme force, otherwise known as a hurricane!
STARKEY: In London!?
K9: Incoming projectile!

(Starkey and K9 move quickly to avoid being hit by an object.)

[The laboratory]

(Darius is looking out of the window. Starkey and K9 are watching the news coverage.)

REPORTER: (On news) Hurricanes have been reported at Hampstead, Hereford, Hertfordshire and Halifax and flooding in Falstone, Falmouth, Frome and Finchley.

(Gryffen enters, carrying a satellite dish. He puts it down by the window.)

GRYFFEN: Severe weather conditions all over the country. Hurricanes in Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire.
STARKEY: But they never happen here.
GRYFFEN: Well, hardly ever. And the worst storm the North Sea has seen in over a century. Communications are down all over the country.

(Gryffen connects the satellite dish to a white box on the table.)

STARKEY: So, what’s causing it?
DARIUS: No one knows what’s causing weather. Even I know that.
GRYFFEN: Actually, in this case I think I do. (He activates the box.) What do you think, K9?
K9: Well, that is astonishing.
GRYFFEN: Yes, exactly.
DARIUS: Astonishing? What’s astonishing?
STARKEY: So, what are we looking at here, professor?
GRYFFEN: I think this weather is being caused by music.

(Starkey laughs.)

STARKEY: I’m sorry, did you say music?
GRYFFEN: Vocal music, to be precise.
STARKEY: Singing is doing that?
GRYFFEN: Singing and music are very similar to weather. Alternating bands of high and low pressure in a meaningful sequence.
DARIUS: But music doesn’t have that power.
GRYFFEN: Sopranos can shatter crystal.

(The window shatters.)

STARKEY: That’s somebody singing!?
DARIUS: Well, they’d better not give up their day job!

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

(The singing is coming through Jorjie’s radio. Her windows shatter and she screams. She is buried under rubble and loses consciousness.)

[The laboratory]

DARIUS: Look, prof! I know you’ve got all sorts of degrees and stuff but I just don’t buy that the weather out there is music!
GRYFFEN: Darius, please pay attention! A meteorological event and a musical one are very similar! The rarefaction and condensation of air!
DARIUS: So, if I built a humongous speaker and hooked my guitar up to it, I could unleash a typhoon of sound!?
K9: Now you’re getting it.
DARIUS: Wicked!

(Darius leaves.)

STARKEY: But who or what is creating such incredibly powerful music?
K9: I checked my database. There is one creature. The Aeolians. They were masters of amplification and were able to create resonances so powerful they could pulverise distant stars.

(Darius returns with a board to cover up the window.)

DARIUS: Yeah, that’s what it’ll be! Silly old me! Why didn’t I think of that!? Those pesky little… What did you call them!?
K9: Aeolians! The only problem being they were all wiped out over a thousand Earth years ago in the Centaurian catastrophe.
STARKEY: So, if it’s not them doing it, who is? Some other alien force?
GRYFFEN: Possibly!
STARKEY: Then why are they doing it?
GRYFFEN: Well, we’re about to find that out! I’ve located the epicentre of the soundwaves! It’s the Holy Cross Cathedral!
DARIUS: That’s not far from here!
STARKEY: Is that where they play all the classical music!?
GRYFFEN: They’re renowned for their pop concerts!
DARIUS: That’s what I’ve been saying all along! Classical music is going to destroy the world! When will people learn!

[Department camo]

(Drake is watching several screens.)

DRAKE: Our top scientists are completely baffled. Thames Valley has been turned into Cyclone Alley. A tornado has just destroyed the Royal Albert Hall and Hyde Park. Does this remind you of anything?
JUNE: A teenager’s bedroom?
DRAKE: Come on. It’s got Gryffen’s fingerprints all over it.
JUNE: Why drag him into this?
DRAKE: Because he almost singlehandedly caused the Great Cataclysm.
JUNE: Well, that’s hardly fair. He was one of a group of eminent scientists who all agreed with the experiment.
DRAKE: Yeah, a crazy, irresponsible experiment exactly like what we seem to have here. I’m going to pull him in.
JUNE: On what grounds?
DRAKE: For being a mad scientist.
JUNE: That wasn’t an offence last time I looked.

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

(Jorjie wakes up. She reaches out for her vidcom, but can’t reach it.)

[The main hall]

(Starkey is singing again.)

DARIUS: Can you quit that?!
GRYFFEN: It’s dangerous out there! Better take these! Emergency medical kit, bacteria decontaminator, thorassic inflator, emergency sedative, emergency reviver! Red reviver, blue sedative!
STARKEY: It’ll be safer going via the sewers.
DARIUS: Home, sweet home.
K9: Take extreme care! The Aeolian chooses a planet with an atmosphere which is conducive to amplification and your Earth, with an air pressure of 14.7 pounds per square inch, is perfect for amplifying musical frequencies.
GRYFFEN: K9, I’ve uploaded a schematic of the cathedral for you to look at.
K9: Now I see. Of course.
DARIUS: Of course, what?
K9: It has the dimensions of a perfect resonating chamber.
GRYFFEN: Have a look at the spire on top!
K9: Yes, it’s like the cone of a loudspeaker.
GRYFFEN: It’s like a gigantic voice coil.
DARIUS: Can you dumb this down a bit?
STARKEY: The whole building is like the sounding well of a guitar.
GRYFFEN: And with the help of some sort of alien amplification booster, the sound is magnified a thousand times.
K9: Yes, this is exactly how the Aeolian works.
DARIUS: I thought you said they died out!
GRYFFEN: Perhaps one of them survived!
STARKEY: And he’s not happy, by the sounds of it.

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

(Jorjie reaches out for her dog whistle, but she cannot reach it. She tries again.)

[Sewers]

DARIUS: Extinct aliens turning a church into a loudspeaker to create hurricanes. What is that?
K9: We’re still working through the science.
DARIUS: Yeah, well, what’s science ever done for me? (His dog whistle rings.) That’s Jorjie.
STARKEY: She must be in trouble.
DARIUS: I’ll go check on her.
STARKEY: I’d better go.
DARIUS: She came through on my dog whistle.
K9: Starkey, I really think we should press on.
STARKEY: Jorjie needs help.
DARIUS: I’ll handle it, Starkey.

(The ground shakes.)

K9: Young master? Let’s go.

(Darius runs back the way they came.)

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

DARIUS: (OC) Jorjie! Jorjie!
JORJIE: I’m here! I’m here! (Darius enters.) Darius, am I glad to see you.
DARIUS: Are you okay? Oh, what a mess.
JORJIE: Darius, please, you need to move this thing now.

(Darius tries to lift the debris without success. He lifts a beam and uses it to raise the debris slightly.)

DARIUS: Okay, I’ve got to call someone.
JORJIE: I’m so scared.
DARIUS: I’ve got you now. It’s going to be all right.

[The laboratory]

(June enters.)

JUNE: I rang the bell but you were obviously busy.
GRYFFEN: Ah, it’s just so fascinating, June!
JUNE: Gryffen, I need to ask you something straight away. Is this your doing?
GRYFFEN: My doing?
JUNE: Drake thinks this is the Great Cataclysm, chapter two.
GRYFFEN: Drake is a dunce.
JUNE: I know he can get carried away, but do I have your word? You’re not causing this?

(Gryffen’s screen reads “MUSIC NOTE RECOGNITION”. He taps it.)

GRYFFEN: This is better than my word.
JUNE: What are you saying?
GRYFFEN: That this, all of this sound and fury, is the mating call of the female Aeolian!
JUNE: They’re extinct!
GRYFFEN: Not this one! She’s alive and well and she’s very angry!
JUNE: Why is she angry?
GRYFFEN: Why are any of us angry? She can’t get what she wants!
JUNE: Which is?
GRYFFEN: She just wants to be listened to!

(He leaves.)

[Sewers]

K9: The amplitude of the sonic wave is increasing. We’re getting nearer.
STARKEY: Tell me about it.

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

DARIUS: I can’t lift it. I’m sorry.
JORJIE: It’s not your fault.
DARIUS: I’ll call Starkey (unclear).

[Sewers]

(Starkey answers his vidcom.)

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

(The signal is not very good. Jorjie loses consciousness.)

DARIUS: Jorjie? Jorjie? Jorjie? (He takes out the sedative and reviver.) Was it blue…?

[Sewers]

STARKEY: Not the blue one!

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

DARIUS: Which once’s the reviver?

[Sewers]

STARKEY: The red one!
K9: Darius. Do you copy?

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

DARIUS: Red for… danger, blue for hope.

[Sewers]

STARKEY: No! Red!

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

GRYFFEN: (Echoing voice) Red reviver, blue sedative!
DARIUS: Alrighty.

(Darius jabs the reviver into Jorjie’s arm.)

[Sewers]

STARKEY: At last.

(He ends the call.)

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

(Jorjie wakes up.)

DARIUS Hey, don’t worry, Jorjie. You’ll feel better soon. It’ll take away the pain.

[The laboratory]

GRYFFEN: I don’t understand why there’s such a variation in sound.
JUNE: Because you would think that a mating call is like a birdsong, always the same.
GRYFFEN: Exactly, but these weather patterns are so chaotic. There’s harmony and then the wind drops and then discord and then the wind blasts us again. (The wind stops. Gryffen’s machine beeps.) Oh, no.
JUNE: What is it?
GRYFFEN: The harmonics are phasing into a Mandelbrot loop. It’s like infantry marching across a bridge. It will feed back on itself and vibrate the planet to dust.

(The storm resumes.)

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

JORJIE: When it came down and hit me, my whole life actually flashed before my eyes.
DARIUS: So, that really does happen?
JORJIE: And I had this awful feeling that I’d left a lot of things unsaid.
DARIUS: What kind of things?
JORJIE: Thank my mum for always looking after me and to tell certain people how much I like them.
DARIUS: People?
JORJIE: Yeah, people I’ve got really close to.
DARIUS: Recently?
JORJIE: Ever since I started coming to the mansion, I’ve grown really fond of someone.
DARIUS: Must be something about that place. Me too.
JORJIE: It’s kind of strange because we’re really unalike.
DARIUS: But then they say that opposites attract.
JORJIE: Yeah, I guess that’s what’s going on.
DARIUS: The thing that I like about this girl is she’s kind of secret. Like, there’s this outside layer but there’s something mysterious underneath that.
JORJIE: Aren’t they the most interesting type of people? You have to dig to find out who they really are.
DARIUS: My problem is we never seem to be together long enough for me to talk to her. You know, seriously.
JORJIE: Same! So, we kind of just say nothing things when really I’m bursting to come out with it and say, do you want to go out some time? As more than friends, I mean.
DARIUS: Well, I guess we’ve both got to be a bit braver. What have we got to lose?
JORJIE: Okay. You’re on. I dare you.
DARIUS: Ladies first!
JORJIE: All right. As soon as I get back to the mansion, I’ll tell him.
DARIUS: Tell who?
JORJIE: Starkey. What’s your girlfriend’s name?
DARIUS: Uh… Jorj… Um… Georgette.
JORJIE: Georgette? Is she French?
DARIUS: Yeah. Yeah, of course. Really French.
JORJIE: She sounds lovely.
DARIUS: Yeah, she is. Really lovely.

(Two CCPCs enter.)

CCPC: Emergency call received. What’s all this, then, guv?

[Sewers]

STARKEY: This is impossible!
K9: The tunnel is magnifying the sounds!
STARKEY: So, what do we do!?
K9: Find another tunnel which doesn’t concentrate the sound!

[Jorjie’s bedroom]

(The CCPCs are lifting the debris off Jorjie.)

CCPC: Hang on, miss.
DARIUS: Careful.

(She is freed.)

CCPC: There you are, miss. All in a day’s work.
JORJIE: Thanks for staying by me, Darius.
DARIUS: Mm.

(She hugs him.)

CCPC: Well, uh… We’ll be running along then.

[Sewers]

(Starkey and K9 reach a ladder.)

STARKEY: Ground zero!
K9: Young master! Let’s rock and roll!

(Starkey climbs up. K9 follows.)

[Holy Cross Cathedral]

(The Aeolian is waving her arms by the organ. Starkey and K9 enter.)

K9: That is definitely an Aeolian. And that’s her mating call, if I’m not mistaken!
STARKEY: Gryffen was right! She’s playing the weather! K9, you’ve got to tell her to stop!
K9: My Aeolian is a little rusty, but here it goes! (K9 flies over to the Aeolian. She stops waving her arms.) She says, “you would be doing me a favour since I was separated from my mate in the Centaurian Catastrophe which also destroyed my memory. I’ve been entirely alone in the universe.”
STARKEY: K9! How come the music continues even though she’s stopped playing!?
K9: She says, “because my energy is so low, I have initiated a self-replicating feedback loop which derives its power by harvesting gravity.”
STARKEY: Which means what?
K9: We are in big trouble, young master. She is gravity boosting sound like a hammer which will smash the Earth like an egg.
STARKEY: Tell her she’s going to kill six billion people.
K9: “Aeolians will do anything to survive just like a human, so it seems a fair trade to me.”
STARKEY: Is there any way to stop the feedback loop?
K9: “The only thing that can reverse it is if my mate answers me, but I fear he is dead.”

[The laboratory]

GRYFFEN: Incoming!
JUNE: What is it?
GRYFFEN: It’s a signal coming in from the Orpheus constellation.
JUNE: That’s ten thousand light years away.
GRYFFEN: It’s very faint. It’s her mate! He’s calling for her from across the universe.

[Holy Cross Cathedral]

(The Aeolian starts looking around. She continues her song.)

STARKEY: What’s happening?
K9: She’s saying, “it’s my husband. My husband.”
STARKEY: So, everything’s going to be all right now?
K9: She’s got to get the exact sequence right, otherwise he won’t recognise her. She’s frustrated because the signal is scrambled.

(Drake bursts in with CCPCs.)

CCPC: He’s in here, guv. Careful, guv.
DRAKE: What’s going on in here!? What is that?
STARKEY: An Aeolian.
DRAKE: And it is responsible for all this chaos?
K9: It’s a she!
DRAKE: Either way, she must be neutralised.
STARKEY: She’s just looking for her mate!
DRAKE: How touching. Stun her.
STARKEY: No!
K9: I wouldn’t do that.
DRAKE: Fire at will. (The CCPCs fire at the Aeolian.) Take her out!
STARKEY: You kill her and you kill us all!

(The Aeolian collapses.)

K9: That is most unfortunate, Inspector. When the feedback loop hooks up with gravity, the Earth will shatter like a wine glass.
DRAKE: I’m not going to listen to a robot dog and a juvenile delinquent.
K9: Somehow, we must contact the Aeolian in the Orpheus constellation.
STARKEY: How can we do that?
K9: You’re going to have to play the organ.
STARKEY: But… play what?
K9: Play that tune you’ve been humming. (Starkey goes up the organ.) Play, Starkey!

(Starkey begins playing.)

DRAKE: What are you doing?
K9: Anything that comes into your head.
DRAKE: Have your fifteen minutes of fame, then.
STARKEY: Sorry.
K9: He stunned the Aeolian. Someone has to play. (The Aeolian wakes up.) Your annoying tune. That’s it.
DRAKE: Prepare to take her down.
K9: If you proceed, I will liquidate you and your gangsters without a second thought. Are you feeling lucky, Inspector?
DRAKE: Stand down.

(Drake and the CCPCs leave.)

STARKEY: What’s happening?

(The male Aeolian materialises in.)

K9: Her mate has arrived! They are one again. She says, “thank you for the music.”

(The two Aeolians merge and disappear.)

[The main hall]

(Starkey and K9 are by the Space-Time Manipulator’s controls. Gryffen and June come upstairs.)

GRYFFEN: Well, I’m glad that’s over with
JUNE: It was touch and go there for a while.
GRYFFEN: Well, well done. Mission accomplished.
STARKEY: My ears will never be the same again.
K9: I too will need aural circuits replaced.
STARKEY: Let me have a look.

(Darius carries Jorjie in.)

JUNE: Ah, you two missed all the excitement.
JORJIE: Mum, you know how you said my room was like a disaster area?
JUNE: What?
JORJIE: I’ll tell you later. (She goes over to Starkey.) So, the Aeolians found love.
STARKEY: Jorjie. So glad to see you’re in one piece. I’ll be with you in a minute.
DARIUS: I’m available, Jorjie.
K9: Something’s been puzzling me. What is love?
JUNE: Oh, it’s…
GRYFFEN: It’s…
DARIUS: Umm… It’s…
K9: It’s…?
JORJIE: Um… It’s, uh…
STARKEY: It’s…
K9: Well, thanks for clearing that up for me.

(Everyone laughs.)

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.