Dear Peter

Hope this finds you. Goodness only knows how. But these things have a way of working out. Sometimes.

Look, I'm on this huuuuge spaceship with Jack, lost in space. You don't know Jack. But we're on this ship. In space. With a hole in the middle. A hole being monitored by scientists (who are creaming off cash from their employer)! The rest of the passengers are mostly squirrels and meerkats — and a bad-tempered jack-rabbit (no, let's not ask).

The Captain is an artificial intelligence who thinks he's a pirate, the doctor's a vet and the cook is a Madras (literally — the guy making our dinner is a living curry) — oh, and the talking parrot is dead. How do I get into these situations? (Don't answer that!)

Oh, and there are the monsters. Not sure where they fit into the grand scheme of things, but they don't seem to like the rest of us much. Quite why they call this ship the Adorable Illusion is, frankly, beyond me.

Anyway, assuming I survive, hope to see you soon.

Much love,

Mum.

aka Professor Bernice Summerfield

aka Prisoner 442

Whoops. Forgot to mention the "I'm here 'cos I murdered someone" bit...