The Monthly Adventures #069 - "Three’s a Crowd" by Colin Brake

What’s worse than a bad story? Well, as a reviewer, I’d say it's an unremarkable one. Three’s a Crowd is not bad, by any means. In fact, I’d say it’s rather good. However, who in the hell talks about Three’s a Crowd? What am I meant to say for ~1000 words about Three’s a Crowd? I’m still not sure. Maybe it's because Colin Brake is one of those writers; you know, the Justin Richards and Mark Gatiss types, who rarely seem to get past a lukewarm decency in terms of writing quality. Or maybe it’s just the fact that the script didn’t have much going on in it. A somewhat dull but pleasant base under siege that could’ve been better than it was, let’s talk about it, I guess.

The colony of Phoenix is a desolate place, its small population having been barricaded in its halls for generations. But when the Doctor, Peri and Erimem land, they find an altogether deadlier threat than an acute sense of agoraphobia: something hungry lying in wait in a space station above the planet.

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

OK, as much as I ragged on the unoriginality of Three’s a Crowd in that opening paragraph, I’m mostly just salty from having yet another mediocre story in a seemingly endless run of them. In reality, Brake does start off our story with a pretty great concept, that of a colony living in such great isolation that its inhabitants have become agoraphobic (the fear of open spaces) to the point of being terrified if there are more than two people in a room. Cool idea that is for the most part used well. It doesn’t play as big a role in the story as it probably should but it lends the climax some decent tension with Peri trying to shepherd some terrified colonists across the planet surface before their ship self-destructs.

Now, you know me, side casts are one of my most important aspects in a story and personally I think this is one of the relatively few places where Three’s a Crowd excels. All three of our colonists feel very realistic and it's interesting seeing how each one is differently affected by the confinement, from gaining revolutionary tendencies to having breakdowns due to being in a slightly large room. Paired with some decent performances and I found myself actually caring for most of the cast, which isn’t always the case with these audios.

As for our main cast, I thought that Peri and Erimem got a good amount of things to do, each split between either side of the conflict. On top of that, this run of stories continues to have some stellar continuity as it tackles Erimem’s attitude following the events of The Roof of the World, exploring whether or not she wants to leave the TARDIS, which gives us a wonderful scene between the two companions set in one of the TARDIS’ many weird side rooms (this one being an entire field). I also enjoyed the surprisingly emotional pun the story chose to end itself on, it was a nice touch.

However, Three’s a Crowd has one big glaring problem: it’s boring. This script is the epitome of nothing special, a bland base under siege with a dull antagonist, little to say and a weak ending. Although it starts with a good idea, it eventually devolves into a lot of running in circles until the story eventually wraps itself up, which I find immensely disappointing. Not to mention we’re lumped with the Khellian, AKA a generic race of warrior lizards, who are basically just the Galyari from a few audios back. Actually, we’re lumped with a single Khellian, as he’s the only one we ever hear and the rest we’re just told are there, making them an incredibly unimposing threat.

Also, quick tangent, did our main characters heroically give a bunch of newborn children radiation poisoning by blasting the freshly hatched Khellian brood with uranium? You know what, that seems way too complicated a topic for a Doctor Who review, I’m just going to drop it.

Final note, I have to talk about the character of Auntie, played excellently by a surprise Deborah Watling but written in a way that confuses me. The leader of this isolated colony, Auntie turns out to be a surprise twist villain who's been sending hibernating colonists off to be eaten by the Khellian this whole time. It’s a neat twist and a good third act reveal; that is until it goes back on itself and it turns out she actually had no idea and now she’s a completely redeemed character. It’s not an egregiously bad detail but she’s a big enough part of the plot for it to be a significant annoyance.

At the end of the day, there’s not much wrong with Three’s a Crowd, it’s just not very interesting. It’s a shame really, I think there was a lot that could’ve been done great here but as it stands, I honestly see little reason to talk any more about this audio.

6/10

Pros:

+ The concept of a confined colony becoming severely agoraphobic is neat

+ The side cast were all relatively interesting with decent performances

+ Both companions have a nice amount of agency

Cons:

- Has a very run of the mill plot

- The Khellian make for a generic antagonist

- Auntie is an ultimately confused character