'We don't get aliens in Sheffield.' In a South Yorkshire city, Ryan Sinclair, Yasmin Khan and Graham O'Brien are about to have their lives changed for ever, as a mysterious woman, unable to remember her own name, falls from the night sky. Can they believe a word she says? And can she help solve the strange events taking place across the city? - BBC iPlayer description

TW // Depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, mental health issues, bullying.

This is a review/commentary about the first episode of the Thirteenth Doctor's era, The Woman Who Fell To Earth. In this episode, we are introduced to Jodie Whittaker's incarnation of the Doctor and her future companions Graham O'Brien, Ryan Sinclair and Yasmin “Yaz” Khan. I will preface this review with some valuable and important context before delving into the episode proper. And it goes without saying that these are my opinions, you do not have to agree.

When Jodie Whittaker was announced as the Thirteenth Doctor in 2017, I - a 15-year-old mop-headed loser with no social life and very few friends - had no idea who she was. Broadchurch was a show I'd heard of but never seen. Other films and shows she'd starred in were either too obscure or stuff I couldn't watch due to a lack of availability or deemed “too adult” for me.

At this stage, Doctor Who in its current form was irritating me. It had lost its edge and despite enjoying Series 10, I was starting to get disillusioned with the show. It felt too kiddy. Too safe. The danger and excitement that had drawn me to Classic Who and early New Who had gone. This wasn't the show I fell in love with anymore.

And this disappointed me. Doctor Who was the one thing that had helped me out of really dark places in my life before, but now I couldn't even rely on Who to give me what I came to the show for. My only source of escapism from how terrible the world is had long since left the station.

As you can imagine, with no outlet left to turn to, I self-harmed. I won't go into detail, but for the longest period of time, death seemed like the only solution to my problems and I refused to eat a lot for months on end. Counselling didn't help. My friends didn't seem to care. My parents didn't know how to help. I was full-on ready to kill myself and hope people would forget me and move on with their lives.

Then the announcement happened.

Finally, Doctor Who looked like it was moving forward out of the rut it was stuck in. By casting a woman as the Doctor, the show looked like it was taking risks again. I was actually excited to see the phone box show return to TV for the first time in ages. I actually paused my self-harm routine because I was too excited to see the new Doctor.

Twice Upon A Time was excruciatingly hard to sit through. Moffat's incessantly annoying attempts to whittle the First Doctor down to nothing but an old fart sexist hurt me deeply; a grave mischaracterisation of one my favourite Doctors by hyperfixating on certain lines of dialogue and feelings from the 60s that do not represent him as a person. Truly lamentable, but some will defend it to the grave and so be it. But I suffered through it, all because I wanted to see the pretty lady with the blonde hair show up.

Show up she did. And I was immediately impressed - it just annoyed me that I had to wait ages for the new era. But I could put that annoyance aside because I was hoping - praying - that Who would take bold strides in new story territory.

I had mixed feelings about the qualities of story when Series 11 came out, but I overall enjoyed the new direction Who was taking. However, the one thing that stuck out to me was Thirteen. Somehow, I found myself being drawn to her more than other New Who Doctors who'd come beforehand.

She was upbeat, positive, full of energy and fun and came across like the female best friend I wished I had. She seemed like the right fit for the new series, and when Series 12 introduced darker elements to her characterisation I realised that she was one of my favourite New Who Doctors.

I'll qualify that statement.

I'd always seen The Doctor as a role model, but I never really felt like I could be any of their incarnations if that makes any sense. I didn't have the confidence that Tom or Colin had to strut about the place wearing big, bold costumes that screamed their identity from five miles away. I was brave, but not brave enough to reply to everyone with a witticism like Capaldi or Eccleston might do. I looked the most like Troughton with my all-over-the-place hair and shabby clothes but I don't think I embodied any of his Doctor's traits. And the less said about Sylvester's manipulation tactics the better.

But with Jodie's Doctor, I found someone I could relate to. I was always a bit of a silly goofball with a weird sense of humour and always had something to laugh and joke about, but I got judged heavily and was bullied a lot for it. Hell, when I was in P2, I had it physically beaten into me by other kids that I was worth “a hundred times less than nothing.”

Jodie's Doctor taught me that I shouldn't be ashamed of who I was deep down and that people would still like and appreciate me for the person I really was. I didn't have to hide behind enigma and false pretence - I could just be myself and that was okay.

Nobody had ever told me that before. It meant a lot.

I stuck with Jodie's era right to the end. I watched friends of mine try to give her era a chance then give up because they thought it was cringey. They called me mad for enjoying what they thought was unwatchable crap. I figured they just didn't get it like I did.

This era got me out of quite possibly one of the darkest periods of my life so far. Quite literally, this era of television is one of the main reasons I am still alive right now. I haven't self-harmed since 2017 and, while I've had some close calls with taking my own life, I'm still here.

That's a win in my book.

And, most importantly, the Doctor had transitioned - my role model was trans now. That's what opened the door to me deciding I wanted to come out as a trans woman: because if it was good enough for The Doctor, it was good enough for me. Hi. My name is Tilly, and I am no longer embarrassed to be alive. :)

The interesting thing about this is that it's probably the coldest open any of New Who's ever had. Every “new era, new doctor” story before this (Rose, The Christmas Invasion, The Eleventh Hour, Deep Breath) added some sense of continuity to what came before it, trying to execute a similar method to Classic Who in terms of introducing the new Doctor - i.e., we pick up exactly where we left off and keep moving. New viewers can join the crazy train, but returning ones can just follow along with the continuing story.

TWWFTE doesn't do that. We open in a very different setting than before. Everything looks visually different. There's no callbacks to previous eras. It takes a while before we meet the Doctor, and even then, there's barely any acknowledgement to Twelve when Thirteen does arrive; she's dressed in his clothes the whole story, yes (and I have to say, they do suit her), but other than that, we've essentially hit the reset button. Anyone who knows jack shit about Doctor Who can just start watching and not need to know much about the show's past. Sure, it might help, but theoretically you could just start here.

The best part of the story, in my opinion, has to be Thirteen. It's a showcase of her Doctor and both writer and actor sell this quite well. Jodie gets numerous strong “Doctory” moments that really do a good job of putting her character front and centre. No ifs or buts, this is The Doctor, alright. Of particular acclaim is the scene on the crane. That had me buzzing.

Her companions are interesting too. The “fam” does stagnate over time - Yaz's characterisation flatlining in the rest of this season only to pick back up again once Thasmin became canon; Ryan's just goes all over the place before fizzling out and Graham is the only one who remains consistent - but here, they work. You really get a sense of who's who, what they stand for, how they'll react to any given circumstance and you get hints of the type of people they'll become later down the line. It's nice setup, and I really appreciate their personalities this early on.

The villain is possibly the only stumbling point this episode has in my opinion. Tzim-Sha didn't really do much for me. Sure, he looks memorable with his teeth-laden face and has your standard bad guy deepvoice.mp3 but I didn't really gel with him as much as other people did. I will say on the record that the two jokes tied to him - “eat my salad, Halloween” and “Tim Shaw” have lived rent-free in my head since initial broadcast and I still find them funny.

What strikes me about this story, moreso than the others in the described-by-fans “Chibnall era”, is the cinematography. Sure, all of Jodie's tenure looks stunning and very filmic but never quite as good as it does in this episode. There's something about the way it's done here that just has a vibe entirely of its own that is really quite nice. It's a shame the rest of the era doesn't quite capture it in my opinion.

And while I'm on the “Tilly pisses off people who dislike Jodie's era in its entirety” train, I will also say for the record that I don't mind Segun Akinola's score. In fact, I quite like it. I've always been a fan of ethereal music and the synth pad sound is really up my alley. That and the orchestral swells he uses in later episodes is just really beautiful. Not that I dislike Murray Gold, far from it, but it's a nice change of pace from the stark “THIS IS THE SOUND OF DOCTOR WHO” we'd got up to that point. It's like when Peter Howell and Paddy Kingsland took over from Dudley Simpson - it's different, and in different you can get auditory beauty. They're good composers for different feels.

I wonder just how many people will be reading this utterly aghast, clutching their pearls and saying “Surely not! She cannot like Chibnall's era! It is terrible rubbish!” To which I say - do not project your opinions onto other people. It isn't healthy, and it'll keep you awake at night.

When I rewatch this story, I'm put in mind of where I was when I first saw it, and the horrible horrible mindset I was in when Jodie got announced. I wonder if I could go back in time, find the scared and suicidal young person who thought she was a man and relive how she felt watching this. I wish I could tell her that Doctor Who would always be there for her and that she shouldn't be afraid to be who she is.

Time travel isn't possible, the TARDIS isn't real and it'll never happen... but the thought of being able to go back and calm my younger self in her darkest hour with the funny blue box show that she held dear is a comforting one.

I've changed a lot in the time since this first aired. I'm trans now, I cosplay quite a bit, and I have the loveliest girlfriend anyone could ever hope to have, and somewhere deep down I have this episode to thank for pulling me out of the pit and putting me on the right track. I won't pretend it was an easy track to walk - I made mistakes and hung around with the wrong people for a time, but having come out the other side of the nightmare, I feel like life actually is okay. It was worth staying alive for.

This episode means a lot to me, because it literally saved me from certain death. And if that doesn't prove that Doctor Who has the ability to change lives, I don't know what does.