Doctor Who – The Monthly Adventures

#202. The Warehouse ~ 9/10

◆ An Introduction

Online shopping has became a fact of modern life, and I should know given I work in that sector. I go around a supermarket at four in the morning, picking items from the deserted shop, ready to be sent out for delivery (a job which is theoretically perfect for me, because I have massive social anxiety around people). The Whoniverse has tackled this topic a few times, like when the Thirteenth Doctor and her “fam” got involved with the Kerblam Men, or when Tyler Steele discovered the horrifying secret behind Deliverables. That being said, this is my favourite take on the topic.

◆ Publisher’s Summary

The Doctor and Mel land in what appears to be an orbiting warehouse, a delivery facility with a dangerously erratic computer.

Whilst Mel is helping with repairs, the Doctor begins to realise that not everything in the warehouse is as it seems. Why do no goods ever seem to leave the shelves? Why are the staff so obsessed with the stocktake? And who is the mysterious Supervisor?

On the planet below, the Doctor discovers that the computer might be the least of their problems – and that they should be more concerned with the spacestation's mould and vermin...

◆ The Seventh Doctor

I’m not sure how many other people have noticed it, but Sylvester McCoy always sounds like he’s having a lot more fun with the stories set during Season 24. His performance in ‘The Warehouse’ is marvellous.

The Doctor believes that the problem with the TARDIS having an almost limitless amount of space is that there is an almost limitless number of things one can keep, and an almost limitless number of places one can put them. Whilst rummaging through all of his tat, he manages to find his marbles (he thought he’d lost them). Only he would think it’s a good idea to ram his pockets full of shortbread… in a warehouse full of mould, and giant vermin that could be very hungry! The Doctor is taking full advantage of the fact he’s being held hostage in the electronics department, by making a scanner out of a video camera, a cholesterol tester, a pair of electronic scales, a laser pointer and a telescope. He is utterly enraged at the way Lydek runs her tribe, and condemns her barbaric treatment of so-called “blasphemers”. If the Doctor had god-like powers, he wouldn’t keep landing himself in these sort of situations.

◆ Mel Bush

‘The Warehouse’ continues to show us what a brilliant performer Bonnie Langford can be… if only the television writers gave her material this good.

Mel is fascinated by the notion that online shopping will become the norm by the mid 21st century, but somewhat horrified that the Pease Pottage high street will soon consist solely of one-hundred and seventy three coffee shops!

◆ Story Recap

The Doctor and Mel find themselves in a giant orbital warehouse, jam-packed with anything and everything you could want. Groceries, tinned foods, camping gear, biscuits, electrical goods – you name it, then it’s in the warehouse. Unfortunately for them, the planet below was stricken by a catastrophe, and the long-lived clone families of the warehouse have been religiously carrying out their stocktake, in isolation, for three-hundred and fifty years!

The entire facility has began to fall into disrepair, with the biscuits and perishables all being well past their use by date, and several hundred rats roaming the corridors. That’s not even the biggest issue though, as it appears the warehouse has been overtook by a sentient and highly infectious mould… a mould which once more wants to spread itself on the planet below! It’s up to the Doctor and Mel to stop that from happening.

◆ Death by Bubble Wrap!

‘The Warehouse’ has long been one of my comfort stories, one that I tend to come back to when I just need cheering up, and that’s partly to do with it following what I call ‘The Face of Evil’ Formula.

You have a civilisation that is surrounded by modern technology, yet they’ve devolved and taken on names according to their surroundings and corrupted history. Said formula has been utilised in a few other BigFinish plays, and to great effect; you have the sterilised Purity Bay from ‘The Whispering Forest’, and the tribes of Business and Economy from the utterly sublime ‘Spaceport Fear’.

Mike Tucker decides to adapt the formula to parody Amazon, by having a tribal planet worship the warehouse orbiting above them, and treating the people in charge of it like deities (Jeff Bezos already thinks he is some sort of god, so it’s very fitting). The tribes people of course have their own nutty high priestess and weird rituals – like said priestess is the only person allowed to order from the terminal linked to the warehouse. If anyone even attempts to order something themselves… they are bound and suffocated in bubble wrap!

◆ Sound Design

Anyone familiar with my reviews will know that I’ve adored Fox & Yason since I started listening to the ‘Graceless’ series. Whilst the audio landscape for this release feels a bit bare in places, the warehouse is meant to have been isolated for around three centuries, so it kind of makes sense. What we do get is really well composed.

Chirruping crickets and crunching branches outside of the shopping centre turned temple. The glitching voice of the warehouse’s computer reminded me a great deal of SHODAN from the System Shock games, just with a lot less of the psychotic charm. Squeaking rats scuttle through the corridors of the warehouse. The crackling of a flamethrower, as Fred F prepares to roast the Doctor and Mel alive! The Doctor’s sample of mould begins to bubble and expand in the security cage. As the Doctor inhales the vapours, we are given a vision of the planet’s past; news broadcasts talking about the miracle fungus that mutated into a viral contagion (wow, this story turned into The Last of Us pretty quickly). The voice of the Supervisor, once his disguise slips, is absolutely revolting! Imagine listening to someone gargling a mixture of snot and tissue paper (hey, I said it was revolting).

◆ Music

The score for ‘The Warehouse’ is also being handled by Fox and Yason, and this is where the duo really come alive. It’s atmospheric and tense, melding perfectly with the locale of the story; a darkened delivery centre that is falling apart from three hundred years of neglect.

◆ Conclusion

“Please place your order.”

Season 24 was known for its concept based locations, with the Doctor and Mel finding themselves in a holiday camp, a luxury apartment complex and even a freezer centre. Mike Tucker’s script continues this trope by sending them to the Jeff Bezos Galactic Empire… Oh, I’m sorry, I mean the warehouse.

Surrounded by giant vermin and a sentient homicidal mould, the Doctor and Mel have their hands full this time. Meanwhile, the tribal community on the planet below worship the warehouse and its clone families.

‘The Warehouse’ is one of those stories where you can happily just stick the CD in, kick back and relax. You don’t need any previous context, just have fun with this little excursion to an orbital delivery centre. It also helps that the adventure follows ‘The Face of Evil’ formula, which I love (you need only read my review of ‘Spaceport Fear’ to realise that). ‘The Warehouse’ isn’t particularly deep, but it doesn’t need to be. It’s just good old fashioned fun!