Oh my! I am a champion for unloved stories in Doctor Who’s long and patchy history. My favourite story is, hand on heart, Delta and the Bannermen. I love Paradise Towers; quite like The Web Planet; think Time-Flight is unfairly maligned and find loads to enjoy in The Monster of Peladon.

The Time Monster has defeated me. The scripting, acting, direction, costume, effects, everything…is simply bad.

The story starts in modern England (although I have included the whole story here in my marathon simply for the Atlantis sections). Here we meet Stuart Hyde and Ruth Ingram – two of the most poorly acted scientist types in Doctor Who. Ian Collier, who would go on to being actually quite good in stories such as Arc of Infinity and the Big Finish audios Omega and Death to the Daleks (as Bernice Summerfield’s father Isaac), presents us with Stuart ‘Dodgy Face Hair’ Hyde. He bumbles around every scene he is in trying to be hip and hilarious. He screams ‘the 70s’ and wears the most hideous clothes ever seen on a ‘normal’ character. Ruth Ingram, played by Wanda Moore, is presented as a feminist – fed up with men ruling the world – despite the fact she spends most of the episode having to be convinced by Stuart to go against the instructions of Professor Thascales (or as we know him – the Master).

Later in the story these two are joined by the usually reliable John Levene as Sergeant Benton. Clearly sensing the standard of acting on display around him, Levene lowers his bar fairly low and then ends up being turned into a baby, only to be rewarded with one of the worst last lines in Who history.

But even Stuart, Ruth and Benton cannot hold a candle to the lack of talent on display in the Atlantis scenes. From the brief interludes in the first few episodes to the full-blown extravanganza of Episodes 5 and 6, we are subjected to some of the worst acting on British television, let alone Doctor Who.

Heading up the Atlantean cast is George Cormack as King Dalios. Of all this merry band, Cormack is the strongest. He does actually have some good scenes with Roger Delgado, particularly the one where the Master fails to hypnotise the ancient Dalios. But when Cormack has to work with the likes of Ingrid Pitt and, worst of all, Aidan Murphy as Hippias, he is dragged down to their level in much the same way John Levene is with the scientists.

Aidan Murphy is, quite simply, terrible. It’s been a while since I’ve watched The Mutants which features one of Doctor Who’s other most risible performances – Rick James as Cotton – but I think Aidan Murphy deserves the accolade as worst Doctor Who acting performance ever. Literally every word he speaks is at the same slightly strange high pitch with no expression and accompanied by awkward movements or odd facial expressions. The worst scene is the one between Hippias and Gallilea which is clearly supposed to be full of sexual tension (the implication being that Hippias and Gallilea have been having an affair) but Murphy says each line as if he has just remembered it or someone is prompting him in a hidden ear piece.

Ingrid Pitt adds nothing to this story. Famous as she is for her Hammer Horror performances I have never seen the attraction that made her such a popular performer in the 1970s. As Queen Gallilea she is sultry and exotic but that’s about it – and her later turn as Doctor Solow in Warriors of the Deep does nothing to convince me otherwise about her talents.

The other main Atlantean is Krasis, the high priest who is kidnapped by the Master early in the story and then spends the rest of the adventure standing behind Roger Delgado and occasionally spouting the odd line. I can’t even remember why the Master needs Krasis as, from what I can tell, he never serves a useful function to anyone for the whole story. Even when they arrive in Atlantis, Krasis’ support of the Master’s claim to be from the Gods lasts all of two minutes as Dalios sees straight through him. Gallilea is clearly not convinced either – she just fancies him!

The story is buoyed a little by the performances of the regular cast – particularly Katy Manning and the ever reliable Roger Delgado, but these are too little too late to save the story, particularly bearing in mind the terrible dialogue even the regulars have to spout. How can anyone take an evil genius like the Master serious when he is claiming the scientific marvels of machine called TOMTIT!

What we do see of the legendary Atlantis is not very inspiring. Studio bound for most of its time on screen – save for the temple and labyrinth scenes on film – it is populated by bad actors in dodgy eyeliner. There are lots of pretty columns and statues and grand wooden doors and Gallilea, amusingly, carries around a cat for much of the story (animals on screen seem to be a rarity in Doctor Who).

The temple of Kronos is impressive in size but is basically some columns, a raised dais and lots of black drapes. The labyrinth seems very, very small and has incredibly weak walls and very unconvincing mirrors (one of which results in the death of Hippias – so they’re not all bad). The Minotaur (a pre Darth Vader Dave Prowse) is actually quite an impressive head, only let down by the loin-clothed body below.

There is very little about Atlantean civilisation on display aside from their links to Kronos and everyone speaks in a cod-Shakespearean way that only actors being ‘ancient’ or historical are ever required to do.

The destruction of Atlantis is incredibly lack-lustre and poorly directed. Kronos hangs feebly from the ceiling, some masonry collapses – the extras fall asleep, the Master, the Doctor and Jo leave and Gallilea stands, head hanging, in long shot in the midst of the (and I use this word loosely) destruction.

After a brief sojourn in Kronos’ domain (where the squawking bird has suddenly become a member of Pan’s People) the Master escapes and the Doctor and Jo return to the laboratory to find the Brigadier having no idea about what’s happening (not a massive character development by this stage in the Pertwee era) and Benton without his clothes. Cue horrendous fake laughter!

There are some elements of The Time Monster which could, in any other context, be quite fun. The Master bringing things through history to battle the UNIT troops is quite entertaining and the cliffhanger where it looks as if Mike Yates may have been blown up by a doodlebug is effective. But, overall, The Time Monster is let down by bad scripting, poor performances and a general feeling of lack-lustreness.