Bernice Summerfield

#3.02. The Green-Eyed Monsters ~ 10/10

◆ An Introduction

Parenting is one of the most challenging things in the universe, especially when your tax burden happens to have the ability to bring down buildings when he screams! Luckily for Benny, she’s got two idiots both wanting to help her out. I mean, who wouldn’t trust Jason and Adrian with looking after a kid?

About 90% of the sane people in the known cosmos, that’s who!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

It isn't all fun for a new mum.

Not only do you have to deal with the lack of sleep, the occasional embarrassing leak and the constant round of unexploded nappies – you have to deal with a couple of testeronically-charged idiots who won't get it through their skulls that you don't want either of them to be the Dad. Even though one of them technically is.

So when Benny gets the chance to skip off for a while, heading into a Goronos System packed with duplicity and peril to authenticate certain highly significant artefacts and totems, she doesn't have to think twice.

Only sometimes, as she'll learn, when heading into duplicity and peril, it's not a good idea to leave a hostage to fortune behind…

◆ Prof. Bernice Summerfield

Lisa Bowerman delivered quite possibly the best performance I’ve heard from her. It’ll certainly take some doing to beat this one!

Benny has already warned Joseph not to use baby talk in front of Peter, because she doesn’t want the poor child to start out in life thinking people talk like complete and utter idiots… even if they are complete and utter idiots. She nearly ended up naming her kid Peanut, when he was just about the size of one, but he probably wouldn’t have been happy if he were saddled with that one forever… the spectre of matricide looms and all that. She wasn’t quite herself when she had Peter, REALLY not herself. For the first time in her life, she’s seriously contemplating saying “men!” with the exclamation mark after it. Benny wants to use Joseph’s military features to zap Adrian and Jason with a couple million volts of electricity (but she’s rather disappointed to hear that Brax has restricted her from using said features).

◆ Jason Kane

It’s been quite some time since I had the pleasure of discussing Stephen Fewell: his last appearance was way back in Series One! He genuinely delivered his finest performance in ‘The Green-Eyed Monsters’.

Jason walks straight onto the scene… and immediately begins taunting our favourite Killoran (“Come on Adrian, have a Borneo and calm down”). He claims that they’ve been doing alright when it comes to looking after Peter… seconds before armed mercenaries working for Ashantra break in and kidnap Peter! Your timing is appalling, Mr Kane! There’s a part of Jason that refuses to believe he is anything other than Benny’s husband, even if they are divorced. Just when you think him and the dog are about to make-up and become friends, he reignites the argument and the two start having a massive barney in front of Benny and baby Peter!

◆ Adrian Wall

Harry Myers has only been playing everyone’s favourite Killoran for two stories, and he’s already striking gold with his performances. Just top tier work here.

Adrian told Benny that male Killorans usually had no involvement whatsoever with their off-spring, and left it all to the female – innate and genetically in-built reflex, he said. Some sort of basically canine thing in human terms, he said. That wont stop him being a big softie and bringing a cuddly rabbit for his new-born son (it’s actually quite sweet, and it’s really nice to hear a paternal side to him). As much as I adore both characters… I’d definitely be on team Adrian in a fight between him and Jason! Adrian’s people mate for life, so after him and Benny had intercourse… he knows she doesn’t feel the same way about him, and knows that the person was a different mind in the body, but the body is still walking round with Benny in it, and that hurts.

◆ Story Recap

Benny has been attempting to have a bit of downtime with her new-born son, but the constant bickering between the boy’s father and her ex-husband is causing a lot of tension around the Collection. Deciding that she has finally had enough, she decides to do what she does best – head off to some planet to do some archaeology!

As for baby Peter, he’s got his dad and “uncle” to look after him… and that situation soon turns into a fine mess. With Peter kidnapped, and being used as a bargaining chip to make sure Benny helps a corrupt monarchy, it’s up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum to try and rescue the child. Will Adrian and Jason be able to put aside their differences for the greater good… or will they both end up in the dog house?

◆ Dumb and Dumber

‘The Green-Eyed Monsters’ is a play of two parts. It has a more domestic side, one which follows Adrian and Jason having some male bonding time, all whilst trying (and failing) to look after baby Peter. It also has a more traditional ‘Bernice Summerfield’ side, which sees our series lead heading off to a war-torn planet to do some archaeology. I love how Stone manages to link both plots together, and so seamlessly too.

The domestic side to ‘The Green-Eyed Monsters’ is easily its strongest aspect – Fewell and Myers have got some excellent on-air chemistry, and hearing their characters butting heads is honestly a joy. I love how Benny thinks she’s left her kid in the best possible hands… when Jason has managed to smash the baby bottle and Adrian has landed in a pile of used nappies. They’re absolutely pigging useless fathers, but they do try their best. Even when “Dumb and Dumber” attempt to rescue baby Peter from certain doom, they’re quick to blame each other in front of Benny (cause it would hurt their reputations if anyone thought they were pally with each other). The domestic side of this play is so well written, and provides a great deal of comedy to the adventure.

The more traditional side of ‘The Green-Eyed Monsters’ is also really entertaining. The Lady Ashantra has been reading all the stories about the good professor, including over-exaggerated accounts of how much, and how often, she tends to get inebriated! She’s convinced that Benny is brain-dead, and a borderline alcoholic, and wants her to prove that the idiotic twin heirs are the rightful rulers of the Goronos system. This whole side of the episode basically showcases a villain that has completely underestimated Bernice, and ends up looking like a complete donkey for doing so. Dave Stone has really done a great job with this side of the play too.

◆ Sound Design

‘The Green-Eyed Monsters’ is a dialogue heavy script, so the soundscape is pretty minimalistic. I honestly don’t mind though, as Stone’s script had me laughing my rear off!

The crying of baby Peter, and the squeaking of a fluffy rabbit. A calm bar on the Braxiatel Collection; drinks being made as quiet music plays in the background, and people chat about their day. Jason ends up smashing the baby bottle and spilling all the formula all over the ground like a prat. Bleeping instruments from inside Benny’s Collection shuttle. A tacky welcome parade for Benny and Joseph as they land on Goronos Four. Running water, as a gigantic bath is filled. The Collection has its own criminal corner, including a club filled with shouting and brawling, whilst electronic music drones away in the background.

◆ Music

Hearing the atrocious Richards and Baker theme at the start of this episode made me want to boil my own head, so thankfully it’s only included so that Benny can break the fourth wall and ridicule it; nice to know that even behind the scenes that cringe-worthy track was despised!

◆ Conclusion

“If you thought Peter was in danger, then he’s perfectly safe!”

Dave Stone manages to blend the truly weird of the Whoniverse with down-to-earth domesticity… so you could consider this a precursor to ‘Stranded’. The domestic aspect is where the script truly excelled; getting to hear Adrian and “Uncle Jason” butting heads, whilst being the most useless father figures imaginable, was frankly hilarious!

The plot with Benny and the constitutional crisis in the Goronos System is also really entertaining, and I love the way it blends into the other side of the adventure.

Everything here just clicks, and I’m massively impressed with Dave Stone’s first audio adventure. ‘The Green-Eyed Monsters’ is easily one of my favourite BigFinish scripts of all time – up there with the likes of ‘Year of the Pig’ and ‘Sonny’.