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“THE GREATEST MOVIE NEVER MADE: BLOCKBUSTERS, BEE SWARMS, AND BARELY A SCRIPT”

The Greatest Movie Never Made is a short and breezy comic strip that closes out the long-running Doctor Who Adventures magazine on something of a whimper. Clocking in at only a handful of pages, it stars the Thirteenth Doctor and her fam as they zip off to see the Seven Wonders of the Universe—only to discover that someone’s blown them up. The culprit? A flamboyant, egotistical space film director destroying cosmic landmarks in the name of high art. Naturally.

This is very much a “what you see is what you get” affair. The tone is light, the action fast, and the message—such as it is—wrapped up within minutes. There’s no room for depth or drama here, just a brisk gallop through a silly concept with some sparkly visuals and a swarm of alien wasps.

ART STYLE: SIMPLE BUT EFFECTIVE

Visually, the comic is bright, bold, and cartoonish, with expressive character designs that do a decent job of capturing Thirteen and her companions despite the stylistic simplification. The art doesn't attempt to be realistic, but it does make the characters recognisable—no small feat in such a condensed format.

There’s something charming about the colourful, no-nonsense style—though it’s unlikely to wow fans of more intricately illustrated Doctor Who comics like those in Doctor Who Magazine or Titan Comics. This is clearly aimed at a younger audience, and it wears that on its sleeve.

PLOT: A BLOCKBUSTER BUST-UP IN SPACE HOLLYWOOD

The premise is silly but not without potential: the Doctor and fam visit the Seven Wonders of the Universe, only to find them being blown up by an intergalactic auteur in Follyrood, a sort of space Hollywood. The director insists he’s making the greatest film of all time and justifies the destruction of uninhabited worlds in the name of cinematic legacy. It’s very Doctor Who Adventures—a thinly veiled jab at destructive egotism, showbiz excess, and creative irresponsibility.

Thirteen ultimately turns the tables on him by doing what the BBC once did with its own back catalogue: she wipes his master copies, using alien wasps for good measure. There's even a bit of meta-humour in that twist, echoing both the climax of Lux and real-world archival losses.

Errol Flynn shows up too… because why not? It’s never really explained, and he adds little beyond being a historical non-sequitur. Still, it’s good for a chuckle, even if the randomness underlines how thin the story is.

CHARACTERS: THE FAM GET A CAMEO EACH

Unfortunately, while the Doctor gets most of the lines and some decent material, Yaz, Ryan, and Graham are barely present. Each of the fam gets a single line, possibly two, and mostly serve as visual background noise to Thirteen’s investigation. It’s a pity, since their dynamic is usually one of the few consistent strengths of Thirteen’s era.

The villain is pure caricature, and the story offers him the barest sketch of a redemption arc—though “being humiliated by wasps” probably isn’t one for the books.

A FORGETTABLE FAREWELL

There’s an undeniable sense of finality to this strip, being the last comic printed in Doctor Who Adventures before its discontinuation. That said, if this was representative of the standard within the magazine’s final stretch, its end feels understandable. The story is harmless but disposable, the humour is lightweight, and the sci-fi trappings are superficial at best.

It may entertain a young reader on a car journey, but it lacks the charm, wit, and inventiveness that characterise the best of Doctor Who's extended media. Compared to more ambitious one-shots, audio dramas, or even the Titan Comics range, this barely registers.

📝 VERDICT: 52/100

The Greatest Movie Never Made is a zany, colourful mini-adventure that caps off the Doctor Who Adventures run with a whisper rather than a bang. With expressive but simplistic art, a throwaway villain, and a wafer-thin plot, it’s a brisk read with minimal impact. Thirteen is faithfully rendered, but the fam are barely there, and the satire is paper-thin. Unless you're a completionist or under the age of ten, this is one story that—ironically—might be better left never made.