The Monthly Adventures #066 - “The Game" by Darin Henry

What in the everloving f**k did I just listen to? What the actual hell was that? Why does this have 3.36/5? Is everybody f**king with me? Is this all some big prank? People can’t think this is good! I mean, The Game is not just a travesty of scriptwriting, it is a travesty of being, a microcosm of all the things wrong with this repugnant thing we call a “society”, a leviathan of fault, a hydra of mistake and woe! Ok, I’m overreacting, but this story was really bad and I have absolutely no idea why it seems to be relatively well received. I even saw somebody describe it as “nuanced”. We must have listened to different stories. Before The Game came along, my absolute least favourite Monthly Adventure was Winter for the Adept, an absolute trash fire with painfully bad dialogue, cartoonish characters, random plot points shoved in for no reason, a villain who we were told was threatening more often than they actually were and Five and Nyssa, coincidentally, as the TARDIS team. The Game is like that, but without the enjoyment factor of a hilariously bad script. I went back and forth on the rating but I eventually realised that I have literally nothing I can genuinely say I enjoyed about The Game, and so here it is folks, my marathon’s very first 1/10!

On Cray, anybody can play Naxy. A war that has long ago evolved into something even deadlier, the great game of Naxy is the planet’s bloody pastime. But as peace negotiations to end the slaughter begin, the Doctor arrives, and with him shadowy figures who want The Game to never end…

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

Jesus Christ, where do I even begin? Maybe with the fact that I liked two scenes in this entire story: the commentator narrating his own death was the only time this story felt like genuine satire and Carlisle dying is good out of context of the rest of this dumpster fire even if only because of the actors in it. There, those are my positives. I can’t even use my usual fall back of “it had some good ideas” because, whilst this had a few OK concepts, it managed to screw all of them up.

Let’s start with the big one: a war that has turned into a sport. Good idea on paper, hell, I can even imagine that as a short story in an old vintage sci-fi collection, a K. Dick or Bradbury stint. It’s definitely a good idea on paper. “On paper” being the important part of that sentence. The game of Naxy is quite literally hundreds of people running onto a field and killing each other with spears. Ok, not the most inspired idea but the writer could still spin some abject horror from the sheer, mindless violence of it all. Or, he could just have the characters tell us how horrible it is and then have the scenes presented with the levity of a particularly rowdy football match, which he does.

My main problem with this story is the melodrama, I have never seen anything this blatantly unsubtle before in my life. Move over Chibnall, I have a new idol of tell-don’t-show to rag on. Not one single moment of this story is conveyed naturally to us, even moments that don’t need to be. The dialogue is astoundingly horrendous. Every time Henry attempts some kind of irony or satire, he just has to have a character, with over dramatic tears in their eyes explain to us why that is bad and we should be shocked. There’s a scene in the second part where a character spontaneously bursts into tears without warning and literally says how horrible and disturbing Naxy is. And then we get onto the point, of which there is none. A planet treating war like sport is positively ripe for some biting political satire; not the subtlest approach, sure, but violence on the battlefield merged with football culture is a neat idea, if only Henry tried. This audio isn’t saying anything, there isn’t a single nuanced thought about the nature of war or violence or why we commit it anywhere. The deepest meaning I can pull from The Game is that murder is bad. I agree, but like, come on, do better. 

Not to mention that this storyline is dropped halfway through - about a hundred moments of heavy handed allegory in, it suddenly decides to change its entire story and become about a mob boss trying to steal the Doctor’s TARDIS? What? What is the moral of this story: don’t get too into football or a mafioso will come after you? Is it not a political commentary because it is definitely trying to be?

I actually have a theory about this. See, I’m about 90% sure Henry ran out material a few parts into writing The Game and so hastily came up with a new story and stapled it on. If not, then I’m just confused. Especially when we have characters like Hollis. See, Hollis is the star player for one of Naxy’s two teams. He’s built up as ego-driven, obsessed with the game and willing to do anything to win. The Doctor is eventually forced into a one on one with Hollis (in the most pathetic attempt at writing a character dilemma I have ever seen) and Part 4/6 (because this has six parts for some reason) ends with Hollis quite literally screaming “prepare to die!”. How does the Doctor get out of this? Well, apparently, it’s because Hollis immediately drops all prior characterisation in this exact moment and decides that murder is bad actually, making an impromptu speech about how Naxy needs to end. And then a bunch of dog men invade the arena. Can you tell why I think Henry ran out of ideas here?

Not to mention Hollis then suddenly becomes a main character, despite being introduced by very creepily hitting on Nyssa. Yeah, I’m also not sure what Henry’s intentions were there because, whilst he makes multiple references to the subjugation of women on Naxy, he also has his two female characters constantly teary-eyed or falling for objectively terrible people. Granted the second one is because the villain has magic sex hormones, which is incredibly disturbing and rapey and rubs me the wrong way put in this story of all things.

You know what, let's talk about the antagonist because he might just be the worst character I’ve seen in a Doctor Who story. Morian is the aforementioned mob boss who comes out of nowhere four parts into this story and I hate him. This is the least threatening human being I have ever seen and we’re constantly told about how evil and villainous he is. It also doesn’t help that he has a cartoonish villain plan involving canine henchmen and trying to steal the Doctor’s TARDIS, all of which he explains in full to the Doctor most likely whilst twiddling his moustache. Add on the frankly unnecessary implication that he’s a rapist and he is an uncomfortably bad intrusion who I was never once afraid of.

Eventually, it all comes to a merciful end but that is no less muddled. Carlisle, a character I haven’t really talked about and don’t really care about (played for some god forsaken reason by the late William Russell) dies and Morian is quite easily defeated by, lets see here, the combined camaraderie of the Naxy players. I’m sorry? So, all that murderous sport was… good, actually, and unified the planet in the end? I ask once again, what the hell is this story meant to be telling me? They then try to set up Morian as a returning villain and I have never been happier that a story never happened. Anyway, everybody is friends now magically and they pat each other on the backs and the Doctor and Nyssa f**k off to somewhere else, yipee.

The Game is a story that tired me. That’s all it did, the dialogue was unbearable, as were the characters. It shouted at me about things it didn’t have to say, deceived me on what it was even meant to be about and forced me through a maelstrom of conflicting plot lines and motivations and that’s without having the time or space (heh) to write out 100% of my thoughts. I hated The Game and yet can not see that hate reciprocated nearly anywhere. I have looked on TARDIS Guide, I have looked on the Site that Shall Not be Named, I can not find a negative review for this and I have to ask why, I have to know what others see in it because for all intents and purposes, The Game has to be one of the worst stories I’ve ever had to sit through.

1/10

Pros:

+ I liked a total of two scenes in this entire thing

Cons (oh boy here we go):

- Painfully unsubtle and melodramatic

- Absolutely fails in writing analogy and satire

- Shoves in numerous plot points without any cohesion.

- Every character is annoying. Every. Single. One.

- Completely changes the story halfway through

- Has possibly the worst antagonist I have ever seen in a Doctor Who script

- Nyssa’s role seems to be relegated to tearfully explaining the plot to the audience

- Half the cast is stilted

- Characters have complete 180° shifts for no reason

- I honestly can’t tell if this writer is a feminist or a misogynist

- Atrocious dialogue

- Muddled ending that didn’t know what it wanted to say