Doctor Who – The Monthly Adventures

#002. Phantasmagoria ~ 5/10

◆ An Introduction

Two companions from the Davison era had actually turned down the chance to join these audio adventures, and it would take many years for them to change their minds.

This meant BigFinish had to get creative in the early days, by controversially lengthening the amount of time Peri spent alongside this incarnation, and bringing a failed Egyptian Pharaoh aboard the TARDIS. I personally adore the Erimem tales… aside from THAT one, which I will unfortunately have to review one day!

Perhaps the most interesting thing they did to ensure variety in the Davison era stories was focusing on the period prior to ‘Planet of Fire’, when the only companion present was everyone’s favourite master of self-preservation: Turlough.

This unique TARDIS team would actually receive some excellent scripts, such as the jaw-droppingly good ‘Singularity’, or the politically charged ‘The Blazing Hour’.

This is NOT one of their good scripts.

◆ Publisher’s Summary

The TARDIS takes the Doctor and Turlough to the London of 1702 where a mysterious highwayman roams the streets, a local occultist has made contact with the dead and gentlemen of fashion are disappearing, only to find themselves in a chamber whose walls weep blood…

The time-travellers become enmeshed in the hideous plan of Sir Nikolas Valentine, a gambler at the mysterious Diabola Club who always seems to have a winning hand…

◆ The Fifth Doctor

Gatiss has been around the block more than a few times with this franchise, so you’d expect his characterisation to be on point, if nothing else. There is something truly endearing about the Doctor trying to teach his companion the rules of cricket… even when Turlough finds the game completely silly!

‘Phantasmagoria’ is far from being one of my favourite adventures, but you cannot deny that Peter Davison delivered a confident performance. He clearly had good chemistry with Steven Wickham too, making the friendship between the Doctor and Holywell seem quite believable.

Accused of being thieves in Holywell’s house, the Doctor quickly turns on the charm when he expresses an interest in his collection of exquisite artefacts. The Doctor actually manages to trick Valentine using his copy of the Wisden’s Almanack… because it just so happens to contain one of those deadly playing cards: the psychopathic killer of Daodalus touched it with his bare hands, signing his own death warrant!

◆ Vislor Turlough

This morally dubious misfit has long been one of my favourite companions, so it saddens me that he spent most of this outing teamed up with two of the most aggravating characters! Look on the bright side: the next adventure featuring this TARDIS team – ‘Loups-Garoux’ – gives Turlough more than his fair share of the action.

Mark Strickson is an excellent actor, as anyone that’s seen my reviews of the “Older Nyssa” arc will know. Unfortunately, his performance in ‘Phantasmagoria’ was incredibly wooden.

Turlough thinks the whole game of cricket is silly; he can’t think why the Doctor is so keen on it. He liked learning history at Brendon.

◆ Human Spark Plugs

A psychopathic murderer from the planet Daodalus managed to escape execution, but his biomechanical spacecraft was damaged whilst doing so, and he was forced to land on Earth in 1672.

Adopting the guise of Sir Nikolas Valentine – scholar, landowner and astrologer – this serial killer spent the next thirty years abducting humans of high intelligence, and draining them of their life energies to aid his ship in repairing itself. By using homing beacons disguised as playing cards, he could scan each human, drawing the collective unconsciousness of his previous victims to the next target, which would teleport them back to his craft.

Unbeknownst to Valentine, another member of his species was looking to avenge the death of her parents, and she had finally tracked him down. Hannah began working as the maid for a local antiquarian, but finding Earth of 1702 to be extremely sexist, she adopted a second identity as highwayman Major Billy Lovemore, allowing her to go places a woman could not.

The concept of draining actual human souls and treating them like spare parts for a battered old Volvo is genuinely horrifying, and Gatiss could’ve went so much further with it. Can you imagine what this adventure would’ve been like if it leaned into the body horror of draining these people? A biomechanical craft with vampiric tendencies, and all the brutality of a Cyber-conversion unit! Anyway, Valentine becomes so incredibly cocky that the collective unconsciousness of his previous victims band together… and begin tearing him to shreds.

◆ Sound Design

Historical soundscapes are usually much more polished than futuristic ones, as a rule, during these early adventures. Alistair Lock has been one of the most prolific contributors to BigFinish over the past twenty-something years – working with them from the very beginning, before they’d even been granted the Doctor Who licence – and he did a pretty good job with ‘Phantasmagoria’. My biggest complaint is that we didn’t hear more of London during the Stuart Restoration.

Horses trotting through the night while town criers shout at passing folk. Punters of the Diabola Club can be heard entertaining themselves with gambling and debauchery. A crackling fire burns in Holywell’s house, an antique clock ticking in the background. An advanced intelligence, with a synthesised voice, observes our protagonists from afar. A horse and cart rushes past Turlough, knocking him down in the process. A thunderstorm breaks above Cheapside, and rain begins pouring from the heavens. Tortured souls wail in agony as they are slaved to Valentine’s biomechanical spacecraft. Church bells chime at the dawning of a new day. Valentine fires his energy weapon, melting Jasper’s gun! The biomechanical spacecraft explodes with some force.

◆ Music

The soundtrack for ‘Phantasmagoria’ is full of string instruments playing energetic melodies. The score also does a good job at amping up the drama, such as the scene where Flowers confronts Valentine about his friend’s disappearance. Overall, some solid work from Alistair Lock.

◆ Conclusion

“Amongst the dozens he has slaughtered were my mother and father! I swore I would avenge them, and now my chance has finally arrived.”

A serial killer from the planet Daodalus has been trapped on Earth for thirty years, abducting humans of high intelligence and draining them of their life energies to repair his biomechanical ship. He does this by using homing beacons disguised as playing cards…

A couple of you on the TARDIS Guide forum tried convincing me this was an excellent early Davison adventure, but that’s certainly not how I remembered it. Having completed my review, I can confirm that ‘Phantasmagoria’ is still insufferably boring.

This is easily one of the most interesting TARDIS teams, so it saddens me that Turlough was lumbered with two of the most aggravating side characters! It also doesn’t help that Strickson’s performance was as stiff as a board. Quite frankly, Davison was carrying this entire production.

From the man who brought us ‘Nightshade’, here’s an adventure through Restoration London that could easily have been half the runtime. I cannot understand the appeal of this one… and it contains that creep David Walliams, so that’s instantly a mark against it. Christ, this adventure is seriously held together with duct-tape!