Doctor Who – Once and Future

#001. Past Lives ~ 6/10

◆ An Introduction

From the moment this arc concluded, it was seen as nothing more than a deliberate cash grab. Seven gruelling hours of unadulterated garbage; each time BigFinish announced a new instalment it seemed like they were just chucking ideas at the wall, hoping something would stick.

Having spent several months away from this franchise, it seems only right that I should stop ignoring ‘Once and Future’ and give it an absolute thrashing!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

The Time War. The Doctor has been injured and brought to a Time Lord field hospital. His body glows with energy, but this is no regeneration into a future form – instead, the Doctor’s past faces begin to appear as he flits haphazardly between incarnations…

Staggering to his TARDIS, the Doctor sets out to solve the mystery of his ‘degeneration’. Who has done this to him? How? And why? From the Earth to the stars, across an array of familiar times and places, he follows clues to retrace his steps, encountering old friends and enemies along the way. Tumbling through his lives, the Doctor must stop his degeneration before he loses himself completely…

Settling as his Fourth incarnation, the Doctor goes in search of the Monk, with a vague memory that he had something to do with his ‘degeneration’.

On Earth, the Monk is meddling, bringing Sarah Jane Smith to the future UNIT HQ to steal a device for an alien race. The Doctor must help Kate Stewart and Osgood foil an invasion before he can confront the Monk about what he knows…

◆ The Fourth Doctor

Rob Valentine has been consistently cropping up on my radar these past couple of years, proving himself a real credit to the audio adventures, so it’s unfortunate that he does nothing interesting with one of the most iconic incarnations of the Doctor. This entire episode is nothing more than an overplayed Benny Hill skit between the eccentric bohemian and the meddlesome Monk. I was bored out of my tree listening to this, though I feel like something of an outlier given how generous the previous scores for ‘Past Lives’ have been. Was I seriously the only person here that expected much more, character wise?

Doesn’t matter how legendary your reputation, I wont be joining the line of sheep blowing smoke up your behind. Tom Baker is quite easily one of the weakest performers on audio across the entire franchise; it’s been several months since I endured those ‘Lost Stories’ from a few years back, and even thinking about them makes me want to take an industrial sized cheese grater to my ears! His performances vary between going completely overboard and phoning it in, with this one falling into the latter category.

He always has a trick or three up his sleeve. If Kate knows anything about him at all, she’ll know that the Doctor has a way of finding things out, with or without help. He never forgot Sarah Jane, and he NEVER will. One thing the Doctor has never forgotten is that UNIT is always there for him.

◆ Sarah Jane Smith

I remember when the details of this episode got revealed and how giddy I was for another outing with the most iconic companion of all time. Unfortunately, she gets very little air-time… and spends the time she gets fading into the background. Come on, Valentine! You could’ve done so much with this character.

Sadie Miller has received praise from me almost every time I’ve discussed her in a review – let’s just ignore the dire seventh series of ‘Lost Stories’ – so I was excited for this release. Her performance is solid, but the material really let her down.

After being kidnapped by the Monk, and having his gun waved in her face, Sarah decides she’s had enough and clobbers the meddlesome twit! From her point of view, the last time she saw the Doctor was a few hours ago when he turfed her out of the TARDIS… it’s been lifetimes for him though.

◆ Kate Stewart

The written equivalent of a floorboard with a face crudely drawn on it in crayon, Kate has spent nearly a decade without any actual personality. I found her incredibly boring throughout ‘Past Lives’, but that’s just the norm for her character.

I remember watching Jemma Redgrave in Holby City and being completely stunned by her consistently excellent performances… because she’s stiff as a board when it comes to her work in the Whoniverse! She’s like one of those coin operated automatons you find reading fortunes at Blackpool Pier, except the directors keep forgetting their loose change.

Sarah remarks that she has the same bearing as the Brigadier.

◆ Osgood

I’ve never understood why people like this character, considering she’s just a more annoying downgrade of Will Arrowsmith (and I bet nobody expected to see his name mentioned again). Much like her boss, Osgood is given the bare minimum in this episode – she’s an obsessive fan of the Doctor, basing her outfits off his regenerations. She gets nothing interesting to do.

Ingrid Oliver gave a good performance in ‘Past Lives’, and that’s all I really have to say.

◆ Crocodile Rock

This has got to be one of the most vapid stories I have ever listened to. The first instalment of an eight hour arc and we get barely any information on the degeneration plot, because someone wanted to have a race of ageing crocodiles whining atop Glastonbury Tor! There’s just a dire lack of substance, which is shocking when you remember that Robert Valentine is the man behind ‘The Lost’ – one of the best 10th Doctor audios ever written. I would like to say that I’m hopeful for the rest of this story arc, but most of my friends have warned me that it’s steamy hot garbage with a side of bin juice.

‘Past Lives’ also features one of the most interesting renegade Time Lords, and promptly reduces him to nothing more than an unfunny comic relief character. The Monk has been given some incredible storylines over the years, but I spent the entire runtime wanting to feed him ghost peppers so he would stop whinging! Rufus Hound is an incredible actor – something he proved right from the beginning with ‘The Black Hole’ – so I’m genuinely disappointed that his talents were wasted on this dross.

◆ Sound Design

Often described as the most cinematic sound artist, Howard Carter has set the bar for himself pretty high. That’s why just settling for the bare bones simply wont cut it. ‘Past Lives’ features a decent soundscape, but there aren’t any set pieces or moments that really stick with me. It’s all a bit bland.

Energy blazes from the Doctor’s body as his degeneration takes effect, causing him to cycle through various incarnations. Bleeping alarms as the TARDIS experiences a bumpy landing. Waves lapping against the shore of an island; the Monk’s feet crunching against the stony shore. Rain drizzles into a dank alleyway in 22nd century Hong Kong. Buzzing energy as heavily armed alien crocodiles invade the Tower of London, setting their sights on Kate and Osgood.

◆ Music

I hate being so negative about someone so talented, but modern Carter scores honestly just blur together. Cinematic bombast can basically sum them all up.

◆ Conclusion

“You might say I’m revisiting a past life.”

Kicking things off with the Fourth Doctor and Sarah was an incredibly smart way to draw the fans in… which is why having them do basically nothing for sixty minutes felt like such a kick in the teeth. Speaking of doing nothing, what was the point in having Kate and Osgood here? These characters have lacked personality or purpose ever since their introduction in the early 2010s; I wouldn’t be surprised if they were brought in simply to pad out the runtime considering how wafer thin the plot is.

Some of you will be shocked at my score for ‘Past Lives’, given how much I’ve ripped it to shreds, but there is nothing truly awful here… which arguably makes it worse. Everything is functional and everyone gets a slice of dialogue, but there is nothing else. This was the bare minimum from a writer who should honestly know better.

I would love to go through the rest of ‘Once and Future’ with an open mind, but friends and fellow reviewers alike have already raked the next seven episodes over the coals… especially the two McMullin ones. I’m writing this review on December 19th, so I will be loading up on festive Bucks Fizz before tackling the rest of this arc: I have a feeling I’m gonna need it!