Bernice Summerfield

#1.01. Oh No It Isn’t! ~ 9/10

◆ An Introduction

Before they were granted permission to make new Doctor Who adventures, BigFinish put all their resources into one of the most popular characters from the novels.

I was never that interested in the adventures of Prof. Summerfield, despite her range being the longest running series in the BigFinish catalogue. I’ve owned the entire first series since 2018, but never given it the time of day, until now.

Some of you would’ve expected BigFinish to play it safe for their first release, and you would’ve been completely wrong.

It’s time for a pantomime!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

"The King's balls get bigger every year!"

What could possibly go wrong on Professor Bernice Summerfield's investigation into the lost civilisation of Perfecton? Nothing, it seems – until they leave the planet and spot a dirty great missile heading towards their ship. But instead of oblivion, Benny finds herself plunged into the strange world of… panto.

◆ Prof. Bernice Summerfield

Lisa Bowerman hit the ground running, delivering a magnificent performance in her debut adventure.

Benny believes that you can always tell a deserted planet from the noises it doesn’t make; no whirring of motors, no dogs barking, just the call of the common-or-garden archaeology student. You can call her whatever you want to, as long as it’s flattering. Benny was conscripted straight out of the Spacefleet Military Academy, like a lot of people in the wars – she bailed out of a troop ship on the way to battle, joined a dig by faking her qualifications, and worked her way up to being in charge of expeditions. She gained her professorship on the run. Benny wakes up in a strange meadow and is convinced that she’s dead, so begins talking to her Goddess. Her reaction to seeing Wolsey is hilarious – he claims that she’s actually a fella, so she goes behind a tree to check she’s “not got an extra appendage.” She’s a professor of archaeology, not a soldier, and she doesn’t kill people. Marriage: Benny has been there, done that, painted the spare room, split up, got miserable, got drunk, and tried to seduce her students… she is not going through that again! I love that her way of trying to crack the Land of Pantomime is to declare marriage to about 90% of the guests during the King’s Ball! She’s far from happy that the Land of Panto has basically started censoring her whenever she tries swearing.

◆ Story Recap

Prof. Summerfield is leading a dig on the previously quarantined world of Perfecton. Whilst aboard her team’s mode of transport, the Winton, the crew discover they’re being boarded by fearsome squid-like data pirates, with a love of all things factual: the Grel!

That’s the least of their worries though, as the Winton is soon struck by a whopping great missile. It hits the ship, and Benny awakes in a beautiful meadow.

At first she believes this to be Heaven, then Hell… but the truth is far more disturbing. She’s been transported into the camp world of pantomime, and the Grel have been sucked into this domain too!

◆ Good Fact!

I hope you weren’t expecting anything particularly deep from this adventure, because it mainly consists of innuendos and Disney-esque sequences of actual madness!

Let’s kick things off by discussing the Grel: a race of data pirates who traverse the universe attempting to gather up all the facts in the cosmos. They absolutely adore data, practically gorging themselves on it like overgrown pigs… if pigs resembled deep-fried calamari!

These squid-like pirates take everything literally, which means they struggle when encountering fiction – as shown throughout this adventure, and also when they are found burning books by the Sixth Doctor and Charley in ‘The Doomwood Curse’.

The Grel are truly fascinating creations, which makes me oh so happy that they’ll be returning in Series Five.

◆ Sound Design

Considering this was the first adventure BigFinish ever released, you’d be forgiven for expecting a real hodgepodge of a soundscape. In reality, it’s actually aged like fine wine and cheese! Alistair Lock delivers something over-the-top and insane: it’s pure camp!

Power tools and hydraulic machinery are used to dismantle the base camp on Perfecton, as Benny and her students prepare for the journey back to St Oscar’s University. The slimy and slippery voices of the squid-like Grel. Wolsey miaowing at the door of Benny’s cabin aboard the Winton. The glorious tweeting of birds in the idyllic meadow. Harmonising blue-birds attempt to do the washing up. A sword fight erupts, with Wolsey and the Dwarfs taking on a platoon of Grel… before the forces of Prince Charming come to the rescue! The hissing of the audience as the King’s Vizier enters the scene. The grand and beautiful music played at the King’s Ball. The clocks strike midnight; the world of Panto begins warping around Benny as it struggles to cope with all the marriage proposals, struggles to cope with the lack of closure.

◆ Music

Lock is also handling the score, and it fully embraces the gloriously camp nature of a pantomime. A truly joyful suite of music.

◆ Conclusion

“Harmonising blue birds? I’m definitely on drugs.”

Prof. Summerfield has become trapped within the world of pantomime: a strange realm where her students have become the Seven Dwarfs, her cat speaks with the gruff tones of Nicholas Courtney, and a platoon of data pirates resembling deep fried calamari are hunting for more juicy facts!

‘Oh No It Isn’t!’ is a pretty strong contender for the most bizarre BigFinish release I’ve encountered, but it’s gloriously camp! If you liked the vulgarity and humour of something like ‘The Kingmaker’, then this is right up your street.