Doctor Who – The Lost Stories

#1.02. Mission to Magnus ~ 3/10

◆ An Introduction

‘Vengeance on Varos’ remains one of the most adored stories from Season 22. The Doctor and Peri found themselves on a world where torture and executions were broadcast to the public as prime-time entertainment, and the representative of the Galatron Mining Corporation was extorting the planet’s Governor into selling the valuable Zeiton-7 ore at a drastically reduced price.

A second adventure featuring Sil was intended to air the following year, where he would find himself allied with the fearsome Ice Warriors. Season 23 was unfortunately canned, undergoing several rewrites before ‘Trial of a Time Lord’ was unveiled. Sil still made an appearance, but the replacement story was drastically different, ending with what appeared to be the death of Peri!

Now we finally get to experience the events which unfolded on Magnus, and realise that some stories were honestly better off being lost…

◆ Publisher’s Summary

The Doctor and Peri face enemies at every turn on the planet Magnus. There's the Time Lord bully Anzor, who made the Doctor's life hell during his time at the Academy. There's also Rana Zandusia, the matriarchal ruler of the planet, who seeks to prise the secret of time travel from these alien visitors.

Also on Magnus is the slug-like Sil, still bitter from his defeat on the planet Varos and seeking to make his fortune from the most potentially destructive ends. And, deep within the planet, there is something else. Another old enemy of the Doctor's. And the future is looking decidedly colder…

◆ The Sixth Doctor

Hearing the most ostentatious and egotistical incarnation of the Doctor cowering in fear was not something I expected. He goes on something of a miniature character arc in this adventure where he learns to stand up to his childhood bully, though being completely honest here, I could not give less of a damn about the Anzor plot.

You’ll rarely find me complaining about Colin Baker’s performance, but I think anyone would struggle with material this dire. Just another reason to skip over ‘Mission to Magnus’ entirely.

The Doctor starts trembling with fear the moment he recognises Anzor’s TARDIS, making him hide under the console like a scaredy cat.

◆ Peri Brown

Philip Martin cannot write for female characters. This adventure is blatantly sexist – which is something I will discuss more in-depth later in the review – and you’re genuinely left wondering if the writer just hated Peri. She is treat abysmally throughout, written to be purposefully aggravating so that the script can humiliate and torture her on-demand! Put simply, this material is terrible.

Nicola Bryant isn’t having much luck with this series. The previous script forgot her character existed, while this one just treats her like dirt… thank God things improve in the next adventure! Her performance in ‘Mission to Magnus’ is nothing special.

Peri claims that she’s used to following alpha males. She comes from another time, another world, where women are not quite the equals of men yet.

◆ Philip Martin’s Gender Commentary

‘Mission to Magnus’ feels incredibly dated because of its rampant sexism and strange risqué moments. I think that even by the standards of the mid 1980s, this would’ve led to some raised eyebrows!

Magnus is a matriarchal society who only use males for reproductive purposes. A small clan of them hide beneath the planet’s surface due to a virus that makes them blind and kills them before the age of twenty. One theory is that the condition is hormonal, meaning only women and aliens survive. Whilst all this is being explained, Anzor is quite clearly disgusted at the thought of having to deal with the female of the species. He’s easily one of the most unlikeable characters in this script, because he’s basically just an incel!

The neighbouring world of Salvac is a patriarchal society that have supposedly found an antidote to the gender-specific virus. They sent an invasion force to Magnus, which quickly got captured by the Ice Warriors… and they’re certainly a problematic bunch! Ishka almost immediately decides that Zandusia should become his wife, which leads to one of the most insensitive jokes in the episode.

I haven’t even discussed the Doctor’s psychic sex dream yet. I sincerely wish I was joking, but this is genuinely something that happens between him and a member of Zandusia’s retinue. Every time I think this script has reached the bottom of the barrel, it somehow punches through and keeps on digging towards the planet’s core!

◆ Martians on Magnus

I’m sure many of you purchased this adventure to hear the Ice Warriors teaming up with Sil… and that you were all disappointed to hear that they don’t turn up until the second part! Putting them on the front cover feels like such a sly decision, one made to lure in customers who were hoping for a big Martian adventure.

Their reason for being on Magnus is pretty underwhelming too: the Grand Marshall is planning on setting off a nuclear warhead to change the planet’s orbit, thus making it colder, leading to a viable new home for his people.

◆ Sound Design

A beautifully warm planet turned cold; it would’ve been nice if some effort was put into illustrating this with the sound design. All we get to explore are caves and ice caverns, making this one of the most forgettable audio landscapes I’ve encountered all year.

The TARDIS shakes and shudders as it’s dragged into the 24th century. The scanner is consumed with static as Magnus gradually appears on the screen. Sonic cannons are fired from the starship onto the surface of the planet below. Sil is bathed in water by his attendants, doing that disgusting laugh as it happens. Psychic harmony causes mind music to filter through the caves beneath Magnus. Ice Warriors begin firing their sonic weaponry, massacring the Salvacian prisoners!

◆ Music

There aren’t many positives with ‘Mission to Magnus’, but the gloriously melodramatic synthesised soundtrack is definitely one of them! Simon Robinson has created some of my favourite scores in the past, but his work on this range has been a particular highlight: I cannot wait to discuss his music for the Seventh Doctor ‘Lost Stories’ next series.

◆ Conclusion

“The despised creature who owns every last woolly jumper on the planet!”

The Ice Warriors are planning to detonate a nuclear warhead on Magnus to change the planet’s orbit, thus making it colder. That slippery customer, Sil, has teamed up with them, intending to make a killing in the woolly blanket trade when the planet becomes an ice box.

This sounds like the recipe for an exciting romp with two fan-favourite villains, but Philip Martin was seemingly more concerned with taking cheap shots at the concept of feminism. There’s an abundance of backward dialogue throughout the adventure, like when Anzor cringes in disgust anytime someone mentions women in power, or when Ishka threatens to bed Rana Zandusia! It genuinely baffles me that these moments weren’t removed, or at the very least toned down, when this adaptation was being produced.

There were several moments whilst writing this review where I just gave up and started listening to random ASMR videos, because I was desperate for something relaxing and enjoyable. Then I remembered that Philip Martin penned a sequel to this adventure, called ‘Antidote to Oblivion’, which makes me want to crack open the Disaronno early!

Sil spends the entire runtime whining, the Ice Warriors don’t show up until the beginning of part two and proceed to do the square root of diddly squat, and literally nobody cares about the Anzor subplot! You should absolutely skip ‘Mission to Magnus’, for the sake of your own sanity, if nothing else.