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“MISSION: FIND LILITH – A MASTERPIECE OF CONFUSION AND UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY”

This story may be the lowest-rated thing on TARDIS Guide, but I refuse to believe it is as bad as people claim. For one thing, it’s only two and a half minutes long, which is much shorter than the agonising 25 minutes of the worst K9 spinoff episodes. That means you can fit it into the tiniest gaps in your day—whether on a bathroom break, during a commute, or right before you go to sleep. You don’t even have to waste time on it; it simply plugs a small hole in your schedule.

On top of that, it’s available for free on YouTube. No need to part with your hard-earned money for this experience, which is always a bonus—regardless of the quality of the product.

A UNIQUE VISUAL IDENTITY—OR JUST A TIKTOK REUPLOAD?

This isn’t just any Doctor Who content—it’s a TikTok video reuploaded to YouTube. And rather than reformatting it, the original vertical aspect ratio remains, meaning that the audience can barely see what’s happening. But let’s be fair: this does give it a unique visual identity, rarely seen in other Whoniverse-adjacent content.

A PLOT THAT DEFIES UNDERSTANDING

The story’s plot is an utter mystery. A man, resembling a low-budget UNIT soldier, stands in the street, rambling into the camera about Lilith and his own confusion. He seems lost—both literally and figuratively—coming across as either drunk, high, or both. His dialogue is meant to be funny but instead feels condescending and awkward.

However, it’s important to remember that some of the most beloved Doctor Who stories also make no sense—Ghost Light and Timewyrm: Revelation, for instance. So maybe this is simply following in the grand tradition of storytelling that expects the audience to do the heavy lifting.

A PERFORMANCE THAT MAKES B-MOVIE ACTORS LOOK LIKE OSCAR WINNERS

The acting here is so bad that it loops back around to being bad again. Every single line is delivered in the most painfully unnatural way possible. Compared to this, Doctor Who’s most infamous performances—from Ingrid Pitt’s exaggerated theatrics in The Time Monster to Joseph Furst’s gloriously over-the-top delivery in The Underwater Menace—suddenly seem masterful.

A NEWFOUND RESPECT FOR UNDERWORLD

This production is so lazy that it fails to leave any impression whatsoever. A distracting flicker effect appears at random moments for no discernible reason. Then, inexplicably, the video cuts to an entirely different scene featuring another man talking into his phone in front of a white van. Who is he? Why is he here? Why does the video never explain his relevance? These questions remain forever unanswered.

And yet, despite—or perhaps because of—its failures, this video provides an important service: it makes you appreciate even the worst parts of Doctor Who. Underworld may have been a disaster of CSO overuse, and the K9 spinoff may have been a lifeless husk of a show, but at least they had ambition. This? Not so much.

A MYSTERY I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SOLVING

After watching this twice in an attempt to understand it, I remain utterly baffled. Who is Lilith? Why must she be found? Why does this story exist at all? These questions may never be answered, and frankly, I am content to leave them that way.

📝VERDICT: 2/10

A true enigma of Whoniverse content, this story fails in almost every conceivable way—yet somehow, that failure makes it bizarrely fascinating. If nothing else, it is mercifully brief and completely free, which might just be its greatest strengths.