The Monthly Adventures #019 - "Minuet in Hell" by Gary Russell and Alan W. Lear

The one good way I can describe Minuet in Hell is an oddity. A bizarre, confused and much reviled mess of a story that certainly makes itself known amongst its peers, with its completely bonkers plot and eccentricities. This audio doesn’t get too good a rap amongst the Doctor Who community for a number of reasons, a lot of which I sympathise with, but I do like it a lot more than some people. Behind the scenes issues with the writers apparently caused the more perplexing aspects of this audio’s existence, which can be seen through some of the choices made, but what I can’t deny is that this audio is good fun. It has the tone of a cheesy B-movie and I kind of love it (in the most ironic way possible).

It’s the early noughties, and Malebolgia has just become the newest state in America. Come to witness the inauguration is Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, who finds infernal beings pulling the strings, and a madman who claims to be the Doctor.

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

I have to get this out the way, I don’t like this audio for real reasons. There is literally not one actual good thing I have to say for this story, it’s admittedly terrible but is genuinely one of the most fun and fascinating entries into The Monthly Adventures. And when I say fascinating, I mean this story should be studied. It is 150 minutes long and has absolutely no right to be, it’s full of demons and wizards and then makes literally zero attempt to explain any of it. Take away one scene with the Doctor and we fully are just summoning actual demons and throwing people across rooms with incantations. The script is stupid, it’s big, it’s explosive and it’s fun. This whole audio is absolute fun. This is some low budget, schlocky horror movie from the 70s, with some bonkers dream logic and even more insane events. It’s incredibly fast and earns the pace, the last thing you’ll be listening to it is bored, but sometimes you have to suspend your disbelief a little far. It takes place in a new state, called f**king Malebolgia, named after one of the nine circles of hell. That is some dumb fun, B-movie shenanigans. This story is a pantomime, and I mean that in the best possible way, it’s hilarious, but I’m not sure if it’s meant to be. The villain unironically goes “here I am, eight feet of hot, sweaty demon” and it’s one of the best moments in the entirety of Doctor Who, frankly.

The fact I enjoy Minuet in Hell as much as I do is honestly strange because, whilst I have little genuine praise to level at it, I do have quite a few complaints. The first thing you’ll hear in discussions about this audioplay is that the American accents are really, really bad. Big Finish has struggled with accents from across the pond before this but still, yikes. And it in the end is a hot mess; the Doctor has amnesia (again) and that is still the most interesting part of this story, as he and a fellow inmate argue on who is the Doctor, since his fellow patient has absorbed the Doctor’s memories. You know what the outcome will be because, I mean, come on, but it’s still a decently fun time. Charley however just gets trafficked into the Hellfire Club as a “satin bottom”. Three guesses as to what that job entails. This whole audio is needlessly cruel to her and there are some scenes in her subplot that just make me wince and are completely unnecessary. It does, however, introduce us to the character of Becky Lee, who has superpowers, and the audio just never explains it. There’s not even a throw away line bringing it up, she just has superpowers and that’s that. 10/10 character, no notes. A character I can’t give praise to however is the Brigadier, who just so happens to be in this story and does literally nothing the whole time. He’s completely wasted, which is really sad because the other Main Range story he’s in is unfortunately not a lot better than this.

Trying to explain Minuet in Hell is a tall task that I’m not going to tackle. It is a frazzled, confused and overall peculiar bit of Who history that makes a litany of bizarre decisions that leave it as one of the strangest audios I’ve ever experienced. It’s not atrociously bad by any means, it’s a harmless bit of fun, but I very much get why somebody would hate it. It is… not good. Still, have to have dumb fun every now and again.

6/10

Pros:

+ Absolutely wild script that, if messy, is endlessly fun

+ Fast paced and utterly mad

+ Feels like a classic B-movie or a particularly fun pantomime

Cons:

- Atrocious attempts at American accents

- Needlessly cruel to Charley

- The plot is messy and retreads too many familiar plot points

- The Brigadier is thoroughly wasted