Virgin New Adventures: Cat’s Cradle Trilogy

#005. Time’s Crucible ~ 4/10

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◆ An Introduction

The last time I attempted to journey through the ‘New Adventures’ range was a complete failure, as I found myself giving up about half-way through the fifteenth novel. I realised I would need to put some strategies in place this time round, lest I become so bogged down at the idea of marathoning sixty-one novels. So here’s what I’m doing;

- Whilst reading one of the novels, I will have a ten hour long video of ambient sounds playing through my headphones to help me focus. Otherwise, I’d take every opportunity to procrastinate and replay Grand Theft Auto IV.

This strategy appear to be working so far, because I actually feel enthusiastic about reading a novel that gave me a blinding migraine the first time round! It’s been about five years since I last touched this book, so here’s hoping I can have a bit more fun with it now.

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◆ Publisher’s Summary

"You're on your own, Ace."

The TARDIS is invaded by an alien presence, and is then destroyed. The Doctor disappears.

Ace, lost and alone, finds herself in a bizarre deserted city ruled by the tyrannical, leech-like monster known as the Process.

Lost voyagers drawn forward from Ancient Gallifrey perform obsessive rituals in the ruins.

The strands of time are tangled in a cat's cradle of dimensions.

Only the Doctor can challenge the rule of the Process and restore the stolen Future.

But the Doctor was destroyed long ago, before Time began.

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◆ The Seventh Doctor

Despite taking a break from the action in ‘Time’s Crucible’, the Seventh Doctor is still extremely well written. This should come as no shock though, as Marc Platt actually got to write for the character during Season 26.

The Doctor had only occasionally remembered that things needed replacing or servicing, or they wore out completely. Even within the Tardis, time still took its toll. He seemed to have been wearing the same jacket and paisley scarf for at least the past month relative time, but they never looked any worse for wear. He normally slotted naturally into any situation, however bizarre, from alien ice cave to Victorian dinner party. The Doctor was outwardly a clownish eccentric, a genius in human terms, but that was just the bit you were allowed to see. An alien with a Scottish accent. Travelling through time and space with him, Ace had had the chance to look closer, and through the occasional cracks in his veneer, she glimpsed a darker, huger intellect. It seemed very alien, detached and powerful, as if the Doctor was just something the intellect went about in. Sometimes the darkness seeped from the cracks and those it touched might get hurt. Ace had learnt from her own bruises that no one who met the Doctor was left unchanged. Yet he was kind, compassionate, spiky and often angry; vulnerable to all mortal foibles. But that might be deliberate. He embraced them eagerly as if they were toys. Lingering on one world or another, as if to play them out or test their capacity. He was just as dangerous as the evil he attracted and opposed.

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◆ Ace

For all its flaws, I must praise ‘Time’s Crucible’ for giving a substantial amount of the action to Ace. This is a really good adventure for her. Platt previously wrote for the character in ‘Ghost Light’, which is still considered to be one of her best adventures. His writing for her is simply excellent.

Ace had instinctively renamed the ship’s food dispenser in revenge for the Doctor’s persistent use of pseudo-jargon and alien folklore, stuff she had to pretend to understand. Her aversion to cats, especially black ones, had only recently developed. It wasn’t an allergy, they just brought out the worst in her; feelings she didn’t talk about.

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◆ Story Recap

Ace awakens to find herself in a bizarre alien city where it’s always dusk. Buildings of impossible geometry rise on a horizon that never seems to stop, while rivers of liquid mercury segment the area into three distinct zones.

It soon transpires that this city is actually the Tardis, turned inside out after crashing into a prototype time-ship from Ancient Gallifrey! The Chronauts, the crew of said prototype time-ship, now find themselves acting as slaves to an invading alien known only as the Process.

With the Doctor nowhere to be found, it is up to Ace and the Chronauts to save the day… somehow.

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◆ Incoherent Ramblings

I have a huge amount of respect for any writer that wants to do something experimental and elaborate, but ‘Time’s Crucible’ is what happens when coherence goes out of the flaming window! I remember reading this novel for the first time five years ago, because it was an incredibly warm day and I was sat on a sun-lounger in the back garden. I thought my blinding headache that day was from heatstroke, turns out it was actually down to the incomprehensible writing in this adventure.

Half of the prose in this novel is pretentious beyond belief, whilst the other half is mind-numbingly boring. Atrocious is honestly the best way I can describe the writing for this novel. If you still want to experience a surreal and trippy Marc Platt adventure, then I direct you towards the Series Six finale of the ‘Fourth Doctor Adventures’. It delves deep into the history of Ancient Gallifrey whilst also exploring Funderell – a planet whose surface is like set custard, where you have to keep moving lest you sink into the still sea. It would be a much better use of your time if you listened to ‘The Skin of the Sleek’ and ‘The Thief Who Stole Time’, because they are phenomenally well written.

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◆ Ancient Gallifrey

I’d like to discuss the excellent secondary plot of ‘Time’s Crucible’. Ancient Gallifrey was a highly superstitious place, ruled over by a matriarchal seer known as the Pythia. Nearing the end of her reign, the 508th Pythia was unable to see into the future, and found herself being taunted by her greatest opposition – Rassilon, and his clan of Neo-Technologists – who predicted an end to her empire of superstition.

During the events of this adventure, the Doctor is forced into psychic communion with the Pythia, and is forced to tell her that she would be the last of her kind. Realising that her reign was drawing to a close, the final Pythia sent her followers to the planet Karn and threw herself into the abyss below her temple. Her exiled followers would gradually become the group we know as the Sisterhood of Karn.

But before committing suicide, the Pythia put a curse sterility onto the people of Gallifrey. The curse’s effect was immediate: fetuses perished in their mothers’ wombs, including Rassilon’s own daughter; and no new children were born on Gallifrey. Faced with extinction, the whole planet united behind Rassilon and adopted technological innovations such as genetic Looms, regeneration and time travel, which enabled them to survive despite the restrictions of their curse. This secondary plot surrounding Ancient Gallifrey is the most interesting thing about ‘Time’s Crucible’, and I brought it up because it will play a crucial part in perhaps the most well known Doctor Who novel of all time… but we’re a hell of a long way off reviewing ‘Lungbarrow’. Just keep it in the back of your mind for now.

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◆ Conclusion

“The Process is only beginning.”

Well dip me in mustard and call me a hot dog! The writing for ‘Time’s Crucible’ is still utterly atrocious, even five years after the first time I read it. This novel is so ludicrously pretentious that I got a blinding headache from reading it, so I’m thankful that I had some paracetamol nearby.

‘Time’s Crucible’ carries two distinct plots. The first focuses on Ace and the Chronauts attempting to fix whatever has turned the Tardis inside out, whilst also dealing with a giant alien lamprey. The second plot focuses on Ancient Gallifrey during a time of great upheaval. The Pythia, then matriarch of Gallifrey, sent her followers to the planet Karn, issued her curse of sterility on the Time Lords, and then committed suicide by throwing herself into the abyss below her temple. The stuff on Ancient Gallifrey is incredibly interesting, and I probably would have given this book a higher rating had it been the entire focus of the adventure!

Some people will look more favourably on this novel and claim that Platt was being some form of maverick experimental genius. On the other hand, I think he had his head so far up his backside whilst writing ‘Time’s Crucible’ that he was choking on his own gall bladder!