“Sometimes I think there's something missing. Like I had something lovely, and it's gone. And I… I kind of… I kind of look to the side, like… like something should be there, but it's not. And I know I've got Rose and Shaun and you, and the biggest sausage roll I've ever seen, frankly. I should be happy. I should be really happy. But some nights… I lie in bed thinking "What have I lost?"”