DOCTOR: You're not celluloid. You're made of light. Light come to life.

MR RING-A-DING: I'm beamin' at ya!

Lizzie Abel: Well, I really really loved it, though I marked it down to a 7 out of 10, 'cause it gave away the ending in the middle, and the villain's motivation changed.

Hassan Chowdry: And technically, it's puppets that want to be boys, not cartoons.

Robyn Gossage: Oh my god!

Lizzie Abel: We're still here!

*excited laughter*

LUX: I'm a two-dimensional character, you can't expect a backstory!

BELINDA: Planet of the incels.

BELINDA: So, what’s your name? Doctor what?

DOCTOR: Just the Doctor.

BELINDA: What, you’re actually called the Doctor?

DOCTOR: Yeah.

BELINDA: All right, then. I’m called the Nurse.

DOCTOR: Doctor and Nurse. Good team.

BELINDA: Have you got two hearts?

DOCTOR: Padam, padam.

BELINDA: Is that better or worse than humans?

DOCTOR: If you start deciding which body is best, you’re going down a very dangerous path.

DOCTOR: I can’t help thinking, Bel, that maybe we are meant to be connected.

BELINDA: Like this is destiny? Is that what you say to all the girls? Is that what you said to Sasha? She trusted you, and she died. And you tested my DNA without even asking my permission. God. You’re dangerous.

DOCTOR: I’m sorry. Inexcusable. With both hearts, I apologise.

BELINDA: I am not one of your adventures. Now I’m asking you, Doctor, to do the right thing.

BELINDA: You mean it's literally the same diploma, like in a time travel way?

DOCTOR: Timey-wimey.

BELINDA: Timey-wimey?

DOCTOR: Yup.

BELINDA: Am I six?

SCOOT: Polish Polish

DOCTOR: Typical humans. The only thing you ever learn from your mistakes is how to make them all over again.

TEGAN: If you're trying to fob us off with shopping, it's working.

THE HYPNOTISING CAT: You are under my command. Jump into that puddle behind you.

DOCTOR: Honey, I'll ruin my shoes.

WOLF: You can't run forever, Time Lord!

DOCTOR: But I have! I was with Pheidippides at Marathon. I trained with the Chariots of Fire boys, in 1924!

DOCTOR: How's the theme go? "Der-der-der-der-der-derr, der-der-der-der-derr..."

DOCTOR: Hello, I'm-

TOSHKA: A demon from hell!

DOCTOR: Close enough.

DOCTOR: We couldn't save all of them.

FADE: We could save some.

DOCTOR: "Some" isn't good enough.

CHRIS: The overrides are biometrically linked to me.

DOCTOR: So I’d need a sample of your DNA to trip the lock. Right! You know what you need to do.

CHRIS: Oh, all right, fine. I’ll kiss you.

(Mwah! Chris kisses the Doctor.)

DOCTOR: Oh. No, I just meant a follicle of your hair.

CHRIS: Oh. Really?

DOCTOR: But don’t worry about it.

CHRIS: Oh, I’m so embarrassed.

DOCTOR: There should be enough on my lips, um—oh, actually I probably need a bit extra. Hang on.

(Mmmmwah! The Doctor kisses Chris back.)

DOCTOR: I'm guessing this isn't the Strictly final? I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

STEVEN: I suppose everyone thinks of the war they were in as the war.

The prophecies of old foretold a war across the stars.

The cosmos torn asunder. Every planet left with scars.

From Skaro to Kasterborous, and Villengard as well —

Some know it as the Time War, but the Time Lords call it Hell.

The seven deaths of Davros, and the slaughter of Skull Moon.

The Neverwhen, the Never-weres, the Never-Gone-Too-Soon.

The war raged on for eons, and it’s only just begun,

Fragmenting space and causing time itself to be undone.

Until a man is born upon the barren sands of Karn,

Until that man confronts himself twice over, in a barn.

Until the Daleks breach the second city, and it falls.

Until that man engraves the words “No More” into the walls.

I am that man, and I will take this Moment to avow:

If once there was a Doctor, there is not a Doctor now.

JOY: She died on Christmas Day. On Christmas Day! I said goodbye on an iPad! Because of the rules! She died alone! And those awful people and their wine fridges, and their dancing, and their parties, and I listened to them, and I let my mother die alone! So I can never be home on Christmas Day, and I can never be with anyone on Christmas Day because I let her down. I let her down on the last day of her life, on Christmas Day. I can’t ever change that. I can’t ever change it.

DOCTOR: Ugh! Do you see? This is why nobody likes you! You have to be mysterious all the time. That's why everyone leaves you. That is why you are always alone.

DOCTOR: You are being mansplained by a briefcase.

JOY: I thought I was being mansplained by you.

DOCTOR: Honey, the Doctor's in the room - it's the mansplain central.

DOCTOR: Do you know how lonely you are? You live in a great, big, giant spaceship and there aren't any chairs! And you haven't even noticed because nobody ever comes round!